Relationships are tough when you’re a teenager. I don’t just mean romantic relationships. I also mean relationships with friends. After the pandemic, making friends has become even more difficult as the majority of 2020 and 2021 was spent behind a screen.
Many of the teenage clients I have seen in session struggle with meaningful and healthy relationships. Many have a difficult time maintaining friendships and when they do, there is no guarantee that they are going to remain friends for long because the unexpected government shutdowns can affect school attendance again. We wouldn’t want that again.
To begin, what is a “healthy” relationship? A healthy relationship is one that consists of mutual respect, honesty, trust, open communication and compromise. A model of a healthy relationship would ideally be demonstrated by the parents of the Teen. It is important that Teens have a good point of reference when it comes to comparing their relationships to that of others.
What are the signs your teen has an unhealthy relationship?
#1: They are constantly worrying about the other person’s opinion on what they like. It is not uncommon for Teens to grow out of their interests at a certain age. However, it is the major change parents gotta look out for. For example, your Teen loved playing soccer and would make sure to practice and master their ability. All of a sudden they start dating and that person guilt trips them for how much time they spend playing soccer rather than being with them. That reproach leads to the Teen wanting to drop soccer in order to spend more time with their partner. Sadly, they can start to lose their individuality when they are invested in a toxic relationship.
#2: They don’t go out with anyone other than that person. They begin to isolate and only have frequent contact with that person. Their partner or “friend” will take up all of their time and make sure that the attention is only on them. The control extends even farther in their relationship. There are time constraints on text messages and if the response is not given in that time they are made to feel guilty about their loyalty to their partner or “friend.”
#3: They cry a lot for their friend or partner. The crying can happen after talking to them on the phone, seeing them at school or anytime they spend time with them. The cry is typically about fights that were had regarding the relationship such as attention, time spent away from one another or maybe not texting back right away. Your Teen may feel like they are not being a good friend or a good partner and question their value because it is tied to the opinion of their friend or partner.
Modeling is the key. The way we view relationships is heavily impacted by our parents or the people who raised us (aunts, uncles, adoptive, foster, grandparents). They teach us values and principles that govern the way we carry ourselves. If a Teen grows up witnessing their parents engaging in abusive behaviors, infidelity issues, lying, or neglect then the Teen could possibly feel that they must be on the defense a lot. They may disengage from a relationship or they may become dependent and will do all they can to please their new friend or significant other to avoid being manipulated, used or abused.
It is also important to implement validation and foster self-love in your Teens life. Teach them that they are valuable and that they have a voice of their own. Autonomy is important for your Teen to make assertive decisions and learn to say NO to anyone who disrespects them or undervalues them. Teach them to walk away from unhealthy environments.
The therapists at Outside the Norm Counseling understand the struggle and can help. Through counseling, your child will find their voice. Our therapists specialize in counseling for teenagers . We help them improve their self esteem, cope with anxiety, improve important relationships, overcome depression & find a balance between home and school.
We’re here to help. Contact Outside the Norm Counseling to set up your counseling intake appointment today!
