The breakup of a relationship is never easy, but some breakups can feel devastating. In those moments, you feel like you’ve fallen to the ground and it almost doesn’t feel worth the effort to get back up. Maybe your friends and family don’t seem to understand why you’re struggling so much, but you have every right to your feelings and your personal journey of mourning. (Because yes, you are allowed to mourn a relationship!)
I know that things may feel dark right now. It’s so easy for your self esteem to take a hit when going through a breakup. The truth is that breakups hurt. However, I’ve got two great pieces of news for you:
1)You Aren’t Alone
Your struggle and experience is valid and difficult. Adjusting to change is always hard and re-adjusting to living the single life can be a huge shift! But you can take strength knowing that many other men and women like you find a way to fight through similar tough experiences all the time. And you can too.
2) You Have the Power to Rebuild Your Self Esteem & Find Yourself
The second piece of good news is that you have the power to make yourself feel better. Now, I’m not trying to say you can snap your fingers or simply make a mental decision, and suddenly you’ll feel better. However, you are strong and capable, and there are many things you can do to help yourself climb out of this hole and back towards your personal “normal.”
Steps to Take After a Difficult Break Up
1. Practice self-care.
In the midst of the breakup, it can be very tempting to wallow in your misery. Instead, try to distract yourself by indulging in something you truly enjoy after all self-love is the most important love! Do something you’ve always wanted to do, take yourself on dates or buy yourself a present. Begin daily mindful, positive mantras. Make new friends at work. Just find some way to be kind to yourself.
2. Consider unfollowing your ex on social media.
You might want to stay off social media (or at least unfriend/blog you’re ex!) for a little while after a bad breakup. Seeing pictures of happy couples on your Facebook or Instagram feed might unnecessarily trigger you. Happy or sad, your ex may very well be posting all kinds of pictures on social media. Remember that nobody’s life is as perfect as it appears to be on social media. However, constantly seeing your ex show up on social media and seeing only what they want you to see (i.e. the good) can be very upsetting.
3. Lean on your friends and family.
Nobody should have to go through a breakup alone. Calling your BFF and crying it out on the phone can be extremely cathartic, plus you get to hear someone you love remind you of how awesome you are. Allow your friends and family to be there for you. It’s ok to be sad during this time, and it’s ok to ask for a little extra support. You may be tempted to withdraw and hide in your room, but that can only make it harder to fight off signs of depression. You will feel like yourself much faster if you reach out and stay connected to your loved ones instead.
4. A good therapist can help you find yourself & get back on your feet.
It’s normal to feel like you’ve been knocked off your feet. A good therapist can give you a safe space to reflect on the relationship. Basically…it can be like relationship therapy for one. You’ll be able to process what you went through, look at what you can do differently in another relationship and regain your confidence.
Or maybe it’s not the relationship you need to process. Maybe you’ve been knocked off your feet so badly that you don’t even feel like yourself. Our therapists often use cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. We’ll talk about you are thinking and feeling and see if we can find healthier ways for you to approach the breakup.
5. Find new things to be excited about.
Find something that you’re really happy doing, and spend a lot of time doing it. That way, you have something positive to channel your emotions to, and you’d be too busy having fun to think about your ex. This is a great time to start a new hobby or reconnect with friends you’ve lost touch with!
6. Refocus your attention: Practice gratitude.
Think about all the other people in your life who love you completely, and be thankful for them. Right now, immediately following a break up, your mind probably wants to focus on the negative. It can feel like your whole life is in shambles. Yet…there are usually more positives than negatives. It’s just hard to see the positives. There are so many benefits to focusing on things you are grateful for, and the aftermath of a breakup is the perfect time to begin a regular gratitude practice!
7. Focus on becoming a better person for YOU.
Now is a great time to do those things you’ve always wanted to do. Start exercising, eat healthily, learn a new skill, and travel somewhere new. Grow in as many ways as possible and watch yourself flourish. Remember that YOU are the only person with your unique set of talents and strengths. Often, the end of a relationship can lead to a new beginning of sorts. What new opportunities can you take hold of? What have you thought about trying but held back from? Use this breakup as an opportunity to move toward something new and positive!
Individual Counseling After a Breakup in Temecula, CA
Remember, grieving the loss of a relationship is completely normal. Give yourself the time and space you need to get through the breakup. Seeing a professional therapist is a great step towards healing.
As a counseling clinic in Temecula, CA, we specialize in counseling for women from all walks of life. Every day, our experienced, caring therapists can help women with symptoms of depression, anxiety, & self doubt. We help people improve their relationships (and I don’t just mean romantic relationships…think friendships, feeling connected to family members, parent/child relationships, etc.). We often work with moms, and even provide counseling for teens. Maybe you just feel lost and need help finding yourself again. We want to empower you to take care of yourself & live your best life. Call Outside the Norm Counseling today and begin your counseling journey. You can and will get through this! Our caring team of expert counselors can help.