Emotional abuse involves nonphysical behavior that belittles another person. Emotional abuse includes insults, verbal put downs, verbal threats or making the victim feel threatened, inferior, ashamed or degraded. In many cases, women are most likely depicted as the ones being emotionally abused. However, the prevalence rates were high in a study done by the National Library of Medicine in 2013, “about 48.8% of men reported experiencing emotional abuse while women experienced 48.4%.” This blog will highlight the five signs that an individual is experiencing emotional abuse.
Hyper criticism/Judgmental
The hyper criticism expressed about the victim is often centered around their appearance and their abilities. It can also include sarcasm and humiliation in front of others. The criticism can also include ridiculing the interest or opinions of the victim and make them feel like anything they say is stupid and less important or valuable.
No respect for boundaries
The boundaries of the victim are essentially non-existent and they make them feel like they, as an individual, do not have the right to set them. The boundaries that will be crossed most likely include phone usage, going out on their own, eating, and clothing.
- Phone control: Most men have mentioned that their wives or girlfriends will often look through their phone, know all of their passwords, start arguments over a possible “like” they may have clicked on and will mock the pictures they upload or cause an argument of the lack of pictures the husband or boyfriend may not have of them.
- Going out on their own: Another common thing I have found is that a partner may be accused of cheating if they do not want to go out with the wife or will be told that they can’t go out on their own because they are too stupid to depend on.
- Clothing: This is typically centered around the victim’s style and not allowing them to self-express.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the most common issues I hear about as a clinician when I see men come into my office. Most men prefer not to be left guessing what his wife or girlfriend is asking of them. They prefer a direct answer and clear guidance. If they are being emotionally abused, they are not ever good enough or they are never living up to the standards their wife or partner set for them. They are told that it’s all their fault that their wife is angry, that the wife is miserable, that their life is ruined and that they are not emotionally available because they can’t anticipate their unstable needs. Many men are not aware that they are being gaslighted and will oftentimes feel shocked that they have been victims of this too. They often report feeling like they feel like they’re going crazy or feeling emotionally stunted or exhausted having to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions they are faced with everyday by their wives or girlfriends.
What to do in this situation?
If you are currently experiencing emotional abuse, please remember to reach out to a mental health professional and find the emotional support you need to gain your independence and assertiveness back. Establish a support group to whom you can go to if you are needing support.
