Written by: Taylor Aiona, LCSW 118192
Your child suddenly throws you a curveball when they express the desire to seek therapy. It’s a challenging situation that many families face. You may initially think you’ve failed. You may discuss with your spouse, and they don’t believe it’s needed. We’re goign to talk about how to handle this delicate issue. We will be focusing on open communication and understanding each other’s concerns. This will support you, your spouse, and your child in making the best decision.
Understanding Your Child’s Perspective on Going to Therapy
Before having a conversation with your spouse, explore your child’s perspective. Ask them questions about their motivation to go to therapy. Create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings and concerns.
Imagine your teenage daughter, Sarah, comes to you and says, “Mom, I think I need therapy. I’ve been feeling really stressed and anxious lately.” Instead of immediately responding with your fears, ask her open-ended questions. You can ask her to share more about what she’s been experiencing. You can ask her “How do you think therapy could help you?” or “Where did you hear about therapy?” This helps you gain insight into her feelings and expectations.
Exploring Your Spouse’s Concerns About Your Child Starting Therapy
Your spouse’s hesitation might stem from various source. They may have misconceptions about therapy or concerns about the family dynamic. If you explore your spouse’s perspective with curiosity, you will learn more about their perspective.
Suppose your husband, Mark, is opposed to the idea of therapy. Start by saying, “I know you have reservations about Sarah going to therapy. Can you share your concerns with me?” This allows Mark to express his worries. Maybe he fears that therapy might label Sarah as ‘broken’ or that it’s a sign of parental failure.
Sharing Your Perspective on Your Child Seeking Therapy
After understanding everyone’s perspective, share your thoughts and feelings. Express why you believe therapy is a beneficial option for your child’s well-being.
You can tell your spouse, “I’ve been talking to Sarah. I think therapy could provide her with some tools to cope with her anxiety. I see it as a way to support her, not as a reflection of our us as parents.” This helps your spouse understand your reasoning. This also demonstrates your commitment to your child’s mental health.
Finding Common Ground as Parents
Seek common ground by identifying shared goals for your child’s happiness and emotional well-being. This can bridge the gap between you and your spouse’s differing viewpoints.
Mark might say, “I just want Sarah to be happy, but I’m worried about therapy.” You can respond, “I want her to be happy too, and I believe therapy can be a valuable resource. Can we explore this together, considering both our concerns and Sarah’s needs?”
Become Educated About Therapy for Your Child
Resistance to therapy often arises from a lack of knowledge or misconceptions about therapy. It can be helpful to educate your spouse about the different types of therapy. You can provide them with articles online. You can share the benefits it offers and how your child can grow from it.
You can say, “Mark, I did some research on therapy. There are various approaches, and it’s not just for serious issues. It can help with stress management, coping skills, and personal growth. Let’s learn more together.”
Seeking Professional Guidance for Your Child’s Therapy
Maybe your spouse remains resistant to therapy. It might be worth considering involving a neutral third party. You can include a family therapist or counselor, to facilitate the conversation. They can provide valuable insights and guidance on how to proceed.
You could say, “Mark, I understand your concerns, and I’m worried about Sarah’s well-being. What if we talk to a therapist who can help us navigate this? It might make it easier for us.”
Remember that your spouse’s reluctance may not change overnight. Be patient, respectful, and give them time to process the information and their feelings. Continue having open and empathetic conversations.
This could look like Mark saying , “I need some time to think about it.” Instead of pressing the issue, you can respond, “Of course, I understand. Please know that I’m here to discuss this whenever you’re ready.”
Deciding in Your Child’s Best Interest
Ultimately, the decision to pursue therapy for your child should prioritize their well-being. Keep in mind that if both parents agree, it will likely be a smoother process. If you find yourselves at an impasse, consider your child’s immediate needs.
Suppose Mark remains reluctant despite your best efforts. In such a case, you can say, “I believe therapy is the right choice for Sarah. If you still have concerns, can we agree to revisit this after giving it a try? Our priority is her well-being.”
Initiating the Conversation About Therapy with Your Child
Once you and your spouse are on the same page or have decided to proceed despite their reservations, you can approach your child. Remember it’s key to provide your child with care and empathy.
Sit down with Sarah and say, “Dad and I have been discussing what you told me about wanting therapy. We both want the best for you, and we’ve decided to support you in finding a therapist. It’s about helping you feel your best, and we’re here with you every step of the way.”
Selecting the Right Therapist for Your Child
Choosing a therapist is an important step in this journey. This may also be the longest part of the journey. Involve your child in the selection process. This ensures they feel comfortable and heard in their therapy journey.
You can invite Sarah to explore potential therapists’ profiles online and ask her which one resonates with her. This empowers her and helps her feel in control of her therapy experience.
If you are in the Temecula area, we at Outside the Norm Counseling have therapists that work closely with children and teens. We can provide care in person and virtually. If you’re wondering who would be the best fit, give us a call and let us know your concerns. You will be provided with a recommendation or which clinician might be the best fit.
