Written by: Taylor Aiona, LCSW 118192
Betrayal is one of the most painful emotions and experiences. The shock, hurt, and anger you experience when it comes in the form of a partner’s affair is indescribable. If you’ve found yourself I this position, you’re not alone. It’s important to explore how you can process the pain with compassion and patience for yourself.
How to Handle the Initial Shock of Learning of the Affair
You’ve learned about your partner’s affair and the world feels like it’s been turned upside down. It’s normal to be hit with a flood of emotions – anger, sadness, confusion. The first step in processing betrayal is facing the reality of the situation.
It’s common for some to want to avoid this reality. Maybe that means denying it happened. Others may experience an urge to want to know all of the details. That is also normal. You want to know why!? You want to move on like it never happened. The shock may feel like a rollercoaster on its drop. Let’s continue to talk about how to cope with the aftermath of betrayal.
Allowing Yourself to Feel After an Affair
Emotions are like waves – they come and go. It’s crucial to let yourself feel the full spectrum of emotions without judgment. Whether it’s anger, sadness, fear, pain, and confusion, acknowledging and allowing yourself to feel is a key part of the healing process.
Do not expect the mixture of intense emotions and mistrust to go away quickly. Whether you’re trying to salvage your relationship or move on, you will be grieving the relationship you once had.
Don’t Seek Revenge and Get Back at Your Partner for Their Affair
The amount of rage you may feel, may feel more intense than anything you’ve ever felt. Your first instinct may be to punish them. Maybe you’re thinking about posting the betrayal on social media or sharing with friends or family. It’s likely you’ll receive short term sense of satisfaction. But, this can work against you in the long run by maintaining an anger state. This can also lead to more people providing opinions and ideas about what they believe you should do. This may increase feelings of overwhelm in the future.
Finding a Support System after Your Partner’s Betrayal
Processing betrayal is not something you should be taking on solo. This may sound contradictory of my previous tip. But it’s essential to surround yourself with a support system that provides you with the whatever you need. You might need someone to hug you when you cry. You might want someone to be there to distract you by making you laugh. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, it’s a priority to have others that you can lean on.
Communicating Your Needs with Others or Your Partner
Initially, you are likely to have no interest in communicating with your partner after a betrayal. When and if you are ready, communication becomes even more critical when dealing with betrayal. Let your partner know what you need, whether it’s space, time, or to end the relationship. Be clear about your boundaries and expectations moving forward. If you’re wanting to rebuild your relationship you can outline your needs for rebuilding trust.
Seeking Professional Help with the Aftermath of Your Partner’s Affair
You may not want to even consider couples therapy with your partner. But therapists are trained to support you through a massive betrayal. A professional can provide guidance and offer coping strategies. There are many complex emotions that arise after discovering an affair. A therapist can help you navigate those by providing you with a safe place to process. You may not know what you want to do with your partner either. Your therapist can explore this with you!
Setting Boundaries with Others After an Affair
It’s crucial to establish clear boundaries after your trust has been destroyed. This doesn’t mean building walls. Repeat after me, boundaries are NOT walls! Boundaries help create a framework that fosters trust and respect. Discuss with your partner and others what is acceptable and what is not. For example, you share with others you’re not willing to discuss the affair with anyone until you’re ready.
Taking Time for Care for Yourself After a Betrayal
Processing betrayal is likely to be emotionally draining. Because of this it is vital to take time to care for yourself. How you care for yourself may look different from you to others. Whether it’s indulging in a favorite hobby, spending time with loved ones, or simply taking a moment for yourself. Especially after learning of an affair, self-care is life saving!
Rebuilding Trust, Step by Step After an Affair
Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that takes time, effort, and commitment. The commitment must come from both partners. It’s about small steps, open communication, and a willingness to work together toward a common goal. You may not even be sure if you want to salvage the relationship. That is okay! We may need time to attempt to rebuild the trust to decide it is no longer something that you want in your life.
Embracing the Unknown of the Future After Discovering Your Partner’s Affair
Processing betrayal is a journey into the unknown. It’s about embracing change. It’s important to acknowledge that the relationship may evolve into something different. This may mean that it’s a renewed connection or a conscious uncoupling. In order to have personal and/or relationship growth, you need to be open to change. Managing the experience of living in discomfort.
Moving Forward After an Affair
In the wake of betrayal, the path forward may seem uncertain, but – healing is possible. Whether you decide to rebuild the relationship or embark on a new chapter, you ca heal. Prioritize your well-being and trust the process of self-discovery.
Taking it One Day at a Time in Temecula or California
Betrayal is undoubtedly one of life’s toughest challenges, but it doesn’t define you as unworthy. It can be one of the most challenging experiences in your life. You may be now questioning your worth. If you’ve experienced this, we are here for you. Therapists at Outside the Norm Counseling are available to support you through this transition. Click here to request an appointment today.
