Coping with Grief During the Holidays
Written by: Taylor Aiona, LCSW 118192
The holiday season comes with joy, laughter, and the warmth of family gatherings for many of us. However, some of us may be struggling over the holidays. For those navigating grief, the holidays can be a particularly challenging time. I understand that this time of year is a reminder that someone we love is no longer with us. Grief over the holidays can come from many different factors. I want to normalize the experience you might be having. Also, explore how to manage or cope with grief during this season.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural and complex emotional response to loss. It’s not limited to the death of a loved one. Grief can encompass various forms of loss, such as the end of a relationship, a job, or a significant life change. During the holidays, there is an emphasis on togetherness and celebration. This can intensify the emotions associated with grief.
Acknowledge Your Grief Over the Holidays
The first step in managing grief during the holidays is acknowledging your feelings. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, from sadness and anger to nostalgia and even moments of joy. This can be the hardest part for some. Maybe you’re annoyed with yourself that the emotions still come up. I encourage you to give yourself permission to experience these emotions without judgment.Can you tell me what that would look like?
A family member is no longer with you. The upcoming holiday season feels overwhelming. Maybe you notice yourself enjoying time with family and you get hit with a wave of sadness. You step away to take some deep breaths to help ground yourself. It’s essential to recognize that your emotions are valid. Allow yourself to feel this without judging yourself.
Set Realistic Expectations Over the Holidays
During the holidays, there is pressure to be festive and cheerful. This can be overwhelming, especially when you’re grieving. Setting realistic expectations for yourself is crucial. I will recommend clients to reassess and redefine their holiday traditions based on their current emotional bandwidth.
How do I do that?
Let’s say you used to host elaborate holiday dinners for your extended family. Instead of pressuring yourself to meet that tradition, consider scaling back this year. Maybe opt for a smaller, more intimate gathering. You might decide to skip certain traditions that feel too emotionally taxing.
Create New Holiday Traditions that Honor Where You’re At
I recognize that many of us want to honor old traditions. If it’s become too overwhelming to do that, you can create new ones. They may become permanent new traditions or temporary while navigating grief. Establishing what aligns with your current emotional state can provide a sense of control and comfort.What if I want to create a new tradition that honors who I lost?
I think this is amazing! If you’re in the emotional space to do so. You can consider incorporating one of their favorite activities into your celebrations. Maybe watching their favorite movie or preparing their cherished recipe. I encourage you to do what feels right to you.
Communicate Your Needs to Other Over the Holidays
Open communication is important when dealing with grief during the holidays. As a therapist, I emphasize the importance of expressing your needs to friends and family. People do not intuitively understand the depth of your grief. Do your best to be honest about your emotions. This can foster understanding and support.
How can I communicate this?
Let’s say you’re struggling with attending holiday events. Communicate if you need some time alone or if certain festivities may be too challenging for you. You may offer alternatives to the activity or opt out this year.
Seek Support for Your Grief Over the Holidays
Grieving during the holidays can be an isolating experience. It’s crucial to surround yourself with a support system that respects your journey. This may include friends, family, or even a therapist. Those who can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings.There are various local support groups and resources for those experiencing grief. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be validating and comforting. It is normal to feel alone and important to see others for support.
Self-Care During the Holidays Matters
Taking care of yourself is paramount during the holiday season on its own. It’s even more important when you’re grappling with grief. I emphasize the importance of self-care practices tailored to individual needs. Consider simple activities like taking a walk or engaging in a hobby that brings you solace. These self-care practices can provide a much-needed break from the intensity of grief. Prioritize that your emotional cup be full. As the saying goes, “you cannot pour from an empty cup.”
Managing Triggers While Grieving Over the Holidays
Holiday traditions and festivities can act as triggers, intensifying feelings of grief. Identifying potential triggers and developing strategies to manage them is a crucial.
For example, if attending a specific event triggers overwhelming emotions, plan an exit strategy. You can also bring a supportive friend who understands your situation. It’s important to take proactive steps to protect your emotional well-being while participating in activities that feel manageable.
Honor Your Loved One’s Memory Over the Holidays
Incorporate your loved one’s memory into your holiday celebrations. This can be a soothing way to cope with grief. I often encourage clients to find meaningful ways to keep their loved one’s spirit alive during this season.You might create a memorial space with photos and mementos. You can light a candle in their honor, or share stories that celebrate their life. By actively remembering and acknowledging your loved one, you integrate their presence into your holiday experience in a healing way. Create an ornament to put on the tree in your family members honor.
I’m Struggling with My Grief This Holiday and Don’t Know What to Do
If you’re struggling with grief over the holidays, we can support you. Our therapists have experience supporting people experiencing grief. We are located in the Temecula area and can engage in virtual therapy in California.
