What Can Happen
As a parent, it can be so hard to find the right balance between the different needs of your children. When one child has significant struggles with mental health, or a medical condition, we can find our attention going to them more than the other(s) as we are trying to do crisis control and manage the stressful day to day. The easy child gets less of attention, but it goes further than that. We expect a lot from the easy child, because we need them to stay easy so that we can manage all the other things we are carrying- it’s us trying to survive.
What we might ask of the easy child:
- To keep themselves entertained
- To not interrupt
- To do what needs to be done without being asked
- To “help” in various forms
- To keep their grades up with minimal or no help
- To not ask for something when we are busy
- To not stress us out
The Results
It’s common to ask these things from the easy child when we are overwhelmed and in survival mode, but it can add up and take a toll over time.Being the “easy child” can be rough. They might feel pressure to not cause additional problems, or hesitate to speak up about their struggles. They might be hurting in ways they aren’t able to express. First off, don’t judge yourself- parenting is hard! Honestly, we can admit it: the easy child gets put on the backburner again and again, not because you don’t care, but because realistically you know that you just don’t have to worry about them as much. It can be helpful to re-direct your attention and look for signs.
Signs your easy child is being negatively affected:
- Moodiness
- Sadness
- feeling stressed and overwhelmed
- Withdrawal
- anger/irritability
- difficulty with school and or friends
What to do to help
If you are concerned that your “easy child,” is struggling, you are not alone. It’s important to notice and redirect your attention and re-balance as soon as you are aware that it is off. This is your gentle reminder to check in with your easy child, and really let them know you care. Try to connect over something fun like Netflix’s Wednesday series or Crumble cookies. Offer them a one on one date for some overdue quality time and let them choose something special to do. Your teen might not be rushing to hang with you, so grab that QT when you can, even a small moment in the car can be an opening for connection. The biggest gift you can offer them is your undivided attention. If they come to you wanting to talk, jump on it while it lasts! Above all, institute a family rule surrounding how time is devoted to each kid in the house- they can all use specific dedicated time on a regular basis.
The Challenge
As difficult as it is when one person pulls more focus, make an effort to create a family unit that works together. Try to explore fun ways to enjoy time together, however that might look for your family.
Ideas to try:
- family dinners with a theme
- get competitive over family game night
- watch your favorite sports team and cheer them on together.
Lastly, take a breath, hold your people tight, we are all in this together.