Supporting Military Children Through Family Separation

Understanding the Impact of Family Separation

• Military children may experience a range of emotions. These emotions can include sadness, anxiety, anger, and confusion, in response to their parent’s absence.

• The stress of family separation may manifest in changes in behavior. You may observe increased irritability, withdrawal, acting out, or regression in younger children.

• Family separation can disrupt a child’s routine and academic performance. This may look like difficulties concentrating, completing assignments, or participating in school activities.

• Military children may take on increased responsibilities at home as their parent is away. Things such as helping with household chores or caring for younger siblings. This may add to their stress and feelings of pressure.

• Military children may feel isolated or different from their peers who are not a part of a military family. They likely do not understand the unique challenges they face as part of a military family.

Supporting Military Children Through Family Separation

• Encourage open and honest communication with your child about their feelings, concerns, and questions. Lead by example and share your own emotions in an age appropriate way. Remember to also share your reassurance. Let them know it’s okay to express their emotions, that all emotions are acceptable, and that you’re there to listen and provide support. Invite them to ask any questions they might have about what’s happening.

• Establish and maintain consistent routines and structures for your child, including mealtimes, bedtime, and school schedules. Predictability can provide a sense of stability and security during times of upheaval. Maintain the usual rules and expectations at home. For example,if possible, make arrangements so that school drop off and pick up look the same every day. Continue nightly dinners at the table, and place a picture or a clothing item in your family members chair to symbolize their presence.

• Use technology to help your child stay connected with the absent parent. Phone calls, video chats, emails, or letters can be a way to connect. Regular communication can help maintain the bond between parent and child. If time zone differences are a factor, record and send videos. Mail gifts and surprises and ask your partner to share their reaction with the kids. Use whatever resources the ship or command has. For example, on his last deployment, my husband took advantage of a program that recorded him reading a story book and a message to our daughter. He then mailed the video and the book to her at home.

• Reassure your child that the separation is temporary and that their parent will return home as soon as possible. Remind them that their parent loves them and can’t wait to be home with them. Offer words of comfort and encouragement to help alleviate their anxiety and fears. Consider coming up with a specific phrase that you use regularly, since the familiar repetition can feel reassuring. For example: “It’s so hard having Dad away, and I know he hates being far from us. He loves us and cares about us so much, and he will be home as soon as possible. And when he’s home, we will have the biggest celebration ever.”

• Connect with family, friends, community resources, other military families, or military support organizations. It’s helpful to build a network of connection, help, love, understanding, and solidarity.

• Provide opportunities for your child to express their thoughts and emotions creatively. Art, writing, or journaling is an excellent way to express our experiences. Some kids find it hard to express themselves with their words. These activities can serve as a therapeutic way for children to process their feelings. Invite them to share what they’ve created, and give lots of praise and acknowledgement.

• If your child is struggling to cope with the family separation, consider seeking support from a mental health professional who has experience with military families. Therapy can provide additional tools and strategies for managing emotions and building resilience.