Hello parents and caregivers! It’s back to school time and that may have you thinking about your teenager’s stress, anxiety, and all those pesky hormones flying around. As a Marriage and Family Therapist who’s had a front-row seat to the teenage emotional rollercoaster, I’m here to guide you through the twists and turns, offering practical insights, a sprinkle of humor, and a whole lot of heartfelt support.
What’s up with teenage anxiety? It’s a swirling mix of hormones, brain development, and the ever-elusive quest for identity. It is so normal and age appropriate, and tricky to deal with, I know! Out of all the confusing things a teen can do, there are some signs and symptoms that you can keep an eye out for that might indicate they are experiencing anxiety.
Signs and Symptoms:
- Sleepless Nights: If your teen’s tossing and turning like a hamster on a wheel, anxiety might be the wheel culprit.
- The Master Procrastinator: Suddenly, your child who used to color-coordinate their toys is leaving homework until 5 minutes before doomsday.
- Social Butterfly to Social Hermit: If your teen’s cocooning themselves from the world, it’s time to do some detective work.
- Queen/King of “What Ifs”: Is your teen concocting worst-case scenarios like a Hollywood scriptwriter? Ding ding, anxiety alert!
- Storm Clouds of Negativity: When the sunny disposition is replaced by a perpetual stormy outlook, it might be more than just teenage moodiness.
Hormones and the Teen Brain- what a wild ride! Hormone changes are a part of your teenagers regular growth and maturity, and it’s also responsible for their difficult/challenged/unexpected change in personality and mood. Imagine a rollercoaster that changes from running forward to reverse or randomly switches tracks. Yep, that’s the teenage brain for you. With all those hormones (like cortisol, adrenaline, and dopamine) calling the shots, it’s no wonder your teen is careening through some ups and downs that leave you dizzy. But here’s the thing: it’s all part of the grand teenage evolution. And don’t forget- you have ridden that rollercoaster before, so you know exactly what it’s like.
Navigating Wild Roller Coaster- You can help ease the ride for everyone, here’s a few tips on how:
- Empathy Is Your Superpower: Remember when you had your first heartbreak or felt majorly embarrassed at school? Extend that empathy to your teen, don’t dismiss what they are going through. Offer understanding instead of solutions and they’ll appreciate you more than the Wi-Fi password.
- Conversations Trump Monologues: Skip the parental monologues, there’s no way your lecture on what they need to do for themself is going to get you the results you want. Embrace two-way conversations and active listening. Let them lead the discussion, focus on understanding what’s important to them, let them know you get it, and make sure they want advice before making any suggestions.
- Boundaries, Not Barriers: Teens need their space for sure, AND they also need healthy limits. This means we have to give them a chance to do things on their own, while also understanding the things that are NOT ok in your family. Think of it as a delicate balance of letting them spread their wings and ensuring they don’t fly off course.
Becoming Your Teen’s Anxiety Ally: I’m a parent myself, so I get it. All we want to do is help make the situation better! As tempting as it might be, we can’t just fix it for them. Your teen needs to learn how to care for themselves. So how do we help without overstepping? We can’t be the answer to everything, but we can be an ally.
Ways to be Your Teen’s Anxiety Ally:
- Show, Don’t Tell: Model healthy ways to manage stress, like meditation, deep breathing, exercise. Don’t hide your own daily stress, show them how you deal with it.
- Tech Talk: Teach your teen about the power of unplugging. Swap Instagram scrolling for a walk in the park or a fun board game night. Make family dinner night a phone-free event (even for the grown-ups!).
- Plan vs. Panic: Help your teen break big tasks into smaller, manageable chunks that they can schedule on a to-do list leading up to the due date. Provide a white board or organization tools that might help them stay on track.
- Encourage Healthy Habits: A balanced diet, regular exercise, and enough sleep can work wonders in the battle against anxiety. Bonus: it’s a win-win for the whole family! You don’t have to make it a battle, just keep your fridge stocked with healthy snacks, invite them for a stand up paddle board sesh, and put some UV blocking curtains up in their room.
- Unveil the Silver Lining: Teach your teen the art of finding positives in tough situations by gently redirecting, or sharing with them how you learned from difficult experiences. I don’t want you to dismiss their concerns, rather consider inviting them to acknowledge the good things that came out of a challenging moment. Maybe they didn’t make the soccer team, but they made a new friend during the try-outs, try saying “I know it sucks you didn’t make the team. I am so glad that you met New Friend in the process.”
- Squad Goals: Help your teen build a support network beyond just you. Friends, teammates, teachers, or a support group – they’re all potential members of the squad.
- Therapy: When in doubt, enlist the help of a professional therapist. This means for you, or them! If your teen isn’t ready to talk to a therapist yet, you can always go and receive parenting support, and you’re showing them it’s ok to get extra help when things get hard.
Your teen may be on a wild roller coaster ride, but it won’t last forever. These tricky teen years are just a pit stop on the road to adulthood. Your role right now is an important one, as the understanding, comforting supporter who has been through this themselves! Try not to stress it- just remember to understand, listen, and be an ally. And remember, if you need a little extra help, you can check us out at Outside The Norm Counseling in Temecula, CA.
