What do I do if I Don’t Think Therapy is Helping My Teen
Written by: Taylor Aiona, LCSW 118192
Parenting a teenager is likely one of the most difficult jobs a human can have. There are often moments when you think you’ve figured it out, and BAM you’re confused again. You’ve made the brave decision to get your teen into therapy. Now that it’s been a month or two, you can’t see any changes. You’re wondering what’s going on during their sessions. You’re also frustrated because you are feeling like therapy isn’t working for your adolescent. This is a common topic that comes up in family sessions with teens and a parent. So, let’s talk about some common reasons why we’re perceiving this. We can navigate some of these challenges together.
The Therapist’s Style and Your Teen Aren’t Clicking
Imagine trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. We’ve all metaphorically done this at some point in our lives. And it just doesn’t work! And we’re left feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. Similarly, if your teenager and their therapist don’t click on a personal level, progress may be slow. This doesn’t mean it will never work. It may be a slower process than you had hoped for.
Every single person, teenager or not, are different. These unique personalities and preferences make a difference in the therapeutic relationship. Depending on those preferences it may be more challenging to open up to a therapist that doesn’t resonate with them.
Example: Lily is reserved and introverted. Her therapist is who is energetic and talkative. This may not be the best match. It may be more beneficial to find someone who adopts a gentler and patient approach.
What do I do if my teen says they don’t like how their therapist approaches them?
Discuss this concern with your teenager. Explore them addressing these concerns with their therapist. I ask each of my clients to let me know if I’m missing the mark. Some things are adjustable and others may not be. If it’s something that’s less flexible, ask your teenager if they’re willing to try a different therapist with a more compatible style. It might take some trial and error, but finding the right fit is crucial.
Your Teen May Not be Communicating Enough
Most of us joining therapy are not the most stellar communicators. That’s part of why we’re starting out in therapy! We want to learn better ways to engage in the world. If your teen is struggling to express themselves in therapy, it can hinder the process. As a therapist, I may have some theories when I meet my clients. The reality is, they are the expert on their life. If I’m left int he dark, we may not be able to address underlying issues.
Example: Jake is fifteen years old and struggling with school-related stress. It is challenging for him to articulate his feelings well in therapy. This leads the therapist to go down a path about his boundaries with peers. He doesn’t currently feel any issue in this area of his life. So, we’re on completely different highways! We aren’t able to make progress.
My teenager shared he’s not sure how to share how he’s feeling with his therapist, what can I do to support him?
Encourage your teen to express themselves outside of therapy. Journaling or creative outlets will be helpful to identify what’s coming up for them. If your teen is okay with it, share this with your teenager’s therapist. You may assist in bridging the communication gap. But remember, it’s important to respect your teen and ask for permission. Maybe they’re going at their own pace and want to resolve this on their own.
Family Dynamics Aren’t Helping My Teen be Successful in Therapy
Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all solution. If there are underlying family dynamics, they could be overshadowing the teenager’s individual concerns. In such cases, therapy might feel like addressing the symptoms rather than the root cause.
Example: Sophia is struggling with low self-esteem. At home, there are constant arguments between her parents. This makes progress hard because she feels stressed at home each day. If we don’t address the family dynamics at the same time, we might not be able to see progress.
What do I do if our family’s challenges are contributing to my teen’s therapy not working?
Consider engaging in family therapy while your teen gets individual therapy. Sometimes, lessening family distress can provide relief for your teen to thrive.
Your Teen is Reluctant to Open Up to Their Therapist
Developmentally, teenagers are in a state of seeking independence. This is what we expect them to do at this age. But this can make vulnerability more challenging. Also, your teen may question whether this is a safe space to share. They may worry about being judged or punished for their experiences. If your teenager is experiencing any of this in therapy, it may feel like hitting a brick wall.
Example: Michael is struggling with his anxiety. This leads to him not getting enough sleep and withdrawing from friends. He might be reluctant to share his deepest fears and worries out of fear of being perceived as weak or burdensome. So he waits until he feels safe enough to share.
How do I help my teenager feel safe in therapy so therapy can start to work?
Create a safe and non-judgmental environment at home. Remind your teenager that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. Encourage them to take small steps in opening up, both at home and in therapy.
My biggest tip to parent is to give them time. I have had teenagers that take 20 sessions to get to a space they feel safe to open up. Don’t rush your teen. Some need more time than others.
Your Teen Doesn’t Have the Same Goals as Their Therapist
Therapy might not be hitting the mark because the goals set are not in line with what your teenager needs. Maybethere is a mismatch between the therapists goals and your teen’s. If a therapist has decided that your teen struggles with anger and your teen believes they don’t, we aren’t getting anywhere.
Example: Emma is attending therapy to address academic stress. She might not find relief if the therapist focuses solely on grades. She needs to focus on the underlying pressure to meet unrealistic expectations.
My teenager says their therapist doesn’t understand what they need and that’s why it doesn’t work. What should I do?
You and/or your teen need to have an open conversation with the therapist about your teenager’s goals. This is a way to ensure they align with the overall objectives of the therapy. This collaboration can provide a more tailored and effective approach.
Beginning therapy is a huge step. It takes courage. We are proud that you’re open to learning more about how it may benefit your life. If you’re in the Temecula area give us a call or fill in your information online.
Our therapists work with teenagers struggling with anxiety, depression, and other stressors. Our therapists work collaboratively with our clients to make sure their needs are being met. If you aren’t seeing progress in your teen after some time in therapy, have a conversation. Give them the space to share what’s coming up for them. And if you both believe you need to seek a new therapist, your teen deserves one they connect with. Give us a call!