“I’m fine.”
You could be juggling a toddler with a fever, fielding work emails, dealing with an ex who thinks “on-time pickup” is optional, and somehow still remember to sign the permission slip—and when someone asks how you’re doing, you smile and say… “I’m fine.”
But here’s the truth:
You’re not fine.
You’re in survival mode.
And you’ve gotten so good at faking it, you might not even realize how much it’s costing you.
As a licensed marriage and family therapist who works with single moms in Temecula and across California, I hear the same patterns over and over again. Smart, capable, compassionate women who are running themselves into the ground because they’ve internalized some harmful, high-pressure lies. Let’s break a few of them down.
Lie #1: “I don’t have time to deal with my emotions.”
Single moms are time-management ninjas. Between work, school drop-offs, homework battles, and trying to maintain some version of a social life, there’s barely time to breathe—let alone feel. Emotions get shoved to the side because, let’s be honest, they’re inconvenient.
But here’s the kicker: emotions you don’t process don’t disappear—they just leak out sideways. That irritability, the 3 a.m. overthinking, the sudden tears in the grocery store? They’re signs your emotional tank is bone dry. And no amount of pushing through will refill it.
Lie #2: “If I don’t hold it all together, everything will fall apart.”
This one’s a classic. You tell yourself that being strong means never asking for help, never letting your guard down, never missing a beat. But hyper-independence isn’t strength—it’s often a trauma response.
Yes, you’ve had to do a lot on your own. But that doesn’t mean you have to. There’s no prize for martyrdom, no gold star for burning out quietly. Your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a present one. And you can’t be present when you’re constantly pretending everything’s okay.
Lie #3: “I shouldn’t still be struggling with this.”
Whether it’s grief from a breakup, resentment toward your co-parent, or anxiety about money—many single moms minimize their pain. You tell yourself you “should be over it by now” or that other people have it worse.
Let me be clear: Your pain is valid. Your stress is real. And healing isn’t something you age or outwork your way through. It’s something you have to intentionally process. Therapy isn’t about wallowing—it’s about unpacking what you’ve carried so long you forgot it was heavy.
Lie #4: “I’m protecting my kids by pretending everything’s fine.”
Your kids may not see your tears, but they feel your stress. Children are incredibly intuitive, and they often internalize your emotional state in ways you don’t realize. If you’re constantly saying “I’m fine” while visibly tense, snappy, or shut down, they’re learning to suppress their own emotions too.
Modeling emotional honesty—age appropriate, of course—teaches your kids that it’s okay to ask for help, to rest, to admit when they’re struggling. That’s a gift. And it starts with you giving that same grace to yourself.
Lie #5: “Therapy is for people who are falling apart.”
You don’t have to be in a crisis to benefit from therapy. You just have to be tired of doing it all alone.
Maybe you’re navigating co-parenting dynamics, dating again (terrifying, I know), feeling stretched too thin, or unsure how to set boundaries with family. Or maybe you just want an hour a week where you are the priority. That’s enough of a reason.
Therapy offers a space to breathe, vent, explore, and heal—with zero judgment. It’s not about labeling you—it’s about liberating you from the lies you’ve been told (and told yourself) for way too long.
What healing actually looks like for single moms
Let’s set the record straight:
Healing doesn’t mean your life gets magically easier. It means you get more equipped to handle it. You start recognizing what’s yours to carry—and what isn’t. You build boundaries that protect your peace. You stop defaulting to “I’m fine” and start telling the truth—with courage and compassion.
That version of you? She’s not just surviving. She’s grounded, clear, and maybe even a little lighter.
And yes, she’s still showing up for her kids, her job, and her goals—but not at the expense of her mental health.
You deserve support that sees the full picture of who you are—not just the supermom mask. You deserve a place where you don’t have to be “fine” all the time.
At Outside the Norm Counseling, we specialize in helping single moms like you untangle the emotional knots, rewrite unhelpful stories, and rediscover your strength—the kind that doesn’t rely on white-knuckling your way through the day.
Let’s talk.
Call 951-395-3288 to book your in-person or telehealth session, or visit
👉 https://outsidethenormcounseling.com/contact/
You’ve been strong for everyone else.
Now it’s time to be supported, too.
