When you’re a mom who’s just been diagnosed with something life-altering, like cancer, it feels like your world has been flipped upside down. The whirlwind of appointments, treatments, and emotions can be overwhelming, and you’re left with one impossible question: How do I even talk to my kids about this?
You’re struggling to accept your diagnosis, and the last thing you want is to burden your children. Yet, deep down, you know this is something that needs to be addressed. You’re scared, confused, and wishing life could just go back to how it was before.
This blog provides practical, actionable steps to help you support your children during this incredibly tough time. As a high-achieving woman, you want answers now—not fluffy reassurances. Let’s focus on how to talk to your kids about your diagnosis and support their emotional well-being while you take care of yourself.
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Talking to your kids about cancer might feel like one of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have, but as a mother, it’s a conversation that can strengthen your family’s resilience in ways you never imagined. Listen to the my latest podcast episode on Empowered and Unapologetic for more strategies on talking to your kids.
Understanding the Emotional Impact on Your Kids
You might think that if your kids aren’t asking questions, they aren’t affected by your diagnosis. But that’s not necessarily true. Kids, whether they show it or not, often internalize stress. They might not express their fears out loud, but their behavior will offer clues.
Common Signs to Watch For:
- Withdrawal: If your child becomes quieter or more isolated, they may be struggling to process what’s happening.
- Acting Out: Some children express stress through irritability, frustration, or behavioral changes.
- Over-Responsibility: Kids may try to “be strong” for the family, often feeling like they need to take on adult responsibilities. This can later manifest as anxiety or anger.
Recognizing Early Signs That Your Child Is Struggling
Your kids might not come to you directly and say they’re scared, but their behavior often speaks louder than words. Here are some early signs of emotional distress in children:
- Sudden behavioral changes (such as withdrawal, irritability, or mood swings)
- Trouble sleeping or recurring nightmares
- Physical symptoms like frequent stomach aches or headaches
- Regression in younger children, such as clinginess or reverting to behaviors like thumb-sucking
- A drop in school performance
If you notice any of these signs, it’s time to open up the conversation. For example, during dinner or before bed, ask your kids to share “two good things and one bad thing” about their day. This casual approach lets them know it’s safe to share without judgment. While they may not open up immediately, consistency creates a foundation of trust. Over time, they will start to express themselves without fearing judgment or suppressing emotions.
Talking to Your Kids About Your Diagnosis
One of the hardest conversations you’ll ever have is telling your children about your diagnosis. You may be afraid of overwhelming them or causing unnecessary stress. But children, regardless of age, need honesty.
Here’s how you can approach this conversation based on their age:
- For Younger Children: Keep it simple. “Mommy has something called cancer, and it’s going to take a while to get better. But I’m working with doctors to help me heal. If you have any questions or worries, I’m here to talk anytime.”
- For Older Children and Teens: Be more direct but still reassuring. “I’ve been diagnosed with cancer. This is serious, but I’m getting treatment, and we’re going to take it one step at a time. You don’t have to fix anything. Just know that you’re not alone, and I’m always here if you need to talk.”
It’s also okay to cry during these conversations. You’re a human being with emotions, and hiding them doesn’t protect your kids. Show them it’s okay to feel scared or sad. You can say, “Yes, this is scary. But we’re going to get through it together. Hiding how we feel won’t help us heal.”
Be sure to leave space for questions. Kids need to feel like they can ask you anything, whether it’s about the illness itself or how life will change moving forward.
How Therapy Can Help Your Children Cope
Therapy isn’t just for you—it’s incredibly beneficial for your children as well. A licensed therapist, like Emily Duer at Outside the Norm Counseling, specializes in helping children process complex emotions like fear, anxiety, and anger. Therapy gives kids a safe space to express emotions they may not feel comfortable sharing at home.
Coping Strategies Therapy Can Provide:
- Mindfulness exercises: Helping children stay present when feeling overwhelmed.
- Breathing techniques: Teaching them how to manage anxiety through controlled breathing.
- Journaling or art therapy: Creative outlets that allow kids to express feelings they may not have words for.
- Emotional regulation skills: Helping children process emotions and the physical sensations tied to them.
Building Resilience in Your Children
Resilience is a skill that can be taught, and therapy helps children develop the emotional regulation needed to navigate life’s toughest challenges. This includes teaching them how to deal with uncertainty, manage their fears, and find a sense of control, even when life feels chaotic.
At home, you can reinforce this by:
- Maintaining a routine: Kids find comfort in consistency. Try to keep family routines as normal as possible, even when things are changing.
- Encouraging open dialogue: Regularly check in with your kids to see how they’re feeling emotionally. Let them know it’s okay to be sad, angry, or scared.
- Providing opportunities for joy: Let your kids continue participating in activities they enjoy, even during difficult times.
Helping Teens Who May Be Shutting Down
Teens can be particularly challenging during times of crisis. They may not want to talk or might shut down emotionally. Here’s how therapy can help:
- Building trust through activities: Teens may not want to sit down and talk directly, but they often open up through activities like art, sports, or even talking about hobbies.
- Allowing space: Teens need time to process things on their own. Therapy gives them a safe space to explore their feelings without pressure.
If you’re noticing that your teen isn’t engaging or is showing signs of distress, therapy can provide them with the tools to navigate these emotions in a healthy way.
Coping Skills for Children of Parents Going Through Treatment
When a parent is undergoing cancer treatment, children often absorb some of the stress. Here are some practical ways to help them cope:
- Grounding exercises: Encourage your child to use their senses to stay grounded in the present. Have them focus on what they can see, hear, touch, and smell when they feel overwhelmed.
- Create a “worry time”: Designate 10 minutes a day for your child to share their worries. This gives them a safe space to talk about difficult emotions without letting those worries dominate their day.
- Normalize their emotions: Let your children know that it’s okay to feel upset, angry, or scared—but also that they can still find moments of happiness and joy, even in tough times.
Addressing Guilt as a Parent
Many mothers feel guilty when they’re focusing on their health and not their kids. You might think, “I should be there for them more.” But remember: by taking care of yourself, you’re modeling resilience. Therapy can help fill in the emotional support gaps for your kids when you’re unable to do it all.
Key Questions to Ask Your Kids
Simple, open-ended questions can help you check in with your kids and see how they’re processing everything:
- “How are you feeling about everything that’s going on?”
- “Is there anything you’re worried about?”
- “What do you want to talk about today?”
These questions give them the opportunity to share without feeling pressured.
Take the Next Step
If today’s blog resonated with you, consider therapy for both yourself and your children. Therapy provides the support you all need as you navigate this difficult time. At Outside the Norm Counseling, we’re here to help. We offer family and child therapy services in Temecula, Murrieta, and surrounding areas.
Book a session with us today by visiting our website or calling us at 951-395-3288.
If you’re not quite ready to start therapy, check out the resources available on our blog or listen to our podcast episode, Empowered and Unapologetic, where we dive into managing life’s toughest challenges.
