Written by: Veronica Cisneros, LMFT

Divorce is life-changing, but its impact feels magnified during the holiday season, especially when finances are tight. As a working mom, you may already feel the pressure to make holidays special for your kids, but now you’re balancing it with the reality of a single income. The stress of gift-giving, holiday meals, and maintaining traditions can feel overwhelming. But remember: you’re not alone, and the true spirit of the holidays is about connection, not material wealth.

At Outside The Norm Counseling, we understand the unique challenges divorced moms face, especially high-achieving women who often feel pressured to keep everything together. We’re here to offer support and practical guidance.

“Surviving the holidays as a newly single parent feels like trying to decorate a shattered Christmas ornament—you’re desperately holding it together, but the cracks are impossible to ignore.”

The holiday season can be overwhelming when you’re navigating life as a single parent. In this article, we explore practical strategies to help you find joy and balance during this challenging time. From setting realistic expectations to creating new traditions and prioritizing self-care, learn how to make this holiday season meaningful for you and your children. Listen on Apple. Listen on Spotify. Listen on YouTube.

Understanding Financial Stress During the Holidays

Financial stress after divorce is common. You’re adjusting to a new budget, possibly managing increased expenses, and feeling the weight of keeping up appearances for your children. This stress isn’t just about money; it’s emotional, often laced with feelings of guilt, anxiety, and loss. But there are ways to manage these challenges and still create meaningful holiday experiences.

Money stress isn’t just about numbers; it’s intertwined with feelings of guilt, anxiety, and loss, particularly for women who often bear the brunt of holiday expectations. Common stressors include providing a memorable holiday for children, the pressure to uphold traditions, and balancing gift-giving with financial limitations. These stressors impact women by heightening feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, especially when comparing their financial situation to others.

We’re often afraid to admit that we feel overwhelmed and unable to meet everyone’s expectations, fearing judgment or feeling like we’re failing as mothers. Acknowledging these emotions is a crucial step in finding practical and compassionate solutions.

1. Prioritize Creating a Realistic Budget

The first step is to take a hard look at your finances. Sit down and create a holiday budget that outlines what you can afford without stretching yourself thin.

Break Down Expenses: List out all potential holiday costs, from gifts to meals and decorations. Then, prioritize.
Allocate Funds Wisely: Decide how much you can spend on each category. It’s okay if gifts are modest this year; what matters is that they come from the heart.
Use Budgeting Tools: Apps like Mint or You Need a Budget can help you keep track of your spending and stay on top of your finances.

Tip: Remember, experiences often mean more to kids than expensive gifts. A family movie night or baking holiday treats together can be just as memorable.

2. Set Clear Expectations with Loved Ones

Having conversations about finances can be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Talk to family members about realistic gift-giving plans.

Be Honest and Clear: Let relatives know if you’re cutting back this year. You might suggest drawing names for gifts or setting spending limits.
Prepare Your Kids: Explain to your children in an age-appropriate way that the holidays will be different, but still special. Focus on what you can do, like making new traditions together.

3. Focus on Experiences Over Material Gifts

Shift the holiday emphasis from presents to experiences. This not only reduces financial strain but also fosters deeper connections with your children.

Create New Traditions: Maybe it’s a pajama day where you all watch movies, or a family walk to see holiday lights. These experiences can become treasured memories.

Engage in DIY Projects: Homemade gifts like baked goods or hand-painted ornaments are affordable and meaningful. They also offer opportunities to spend quality time with your kids.

4. Ask Yourself: Are You Expecting Too Much of Yourself?

As a high-achieving woman, you’re used to getting things done and often set sky-high expectations for yourself. But the holidays are not the time to try and be a supermom.

Assess Your To-Do List: Look at everything you feel you need to accomplish. Are these expectations reasonable, or are you putting unnecessary pressure on yourself?

Simplify When You Can: It’s okay to order takeout instead of cooking a feast or to skip the elaborate holiday decorations. Prioritize what really matters and let go of the rest.

5. Learn to Say No and Avoid Overcommitment

It’s easy to get pulled in a million directions during the holiday season, especially when you want to make everything perfect for your kids. But setting boundaries is crucial for your well-being and mental health.

Practice Saying No: Take a moment to ask yourself: What fears do I have about saying no? Are you worried people will think you’re selfish, or that you’ll disappoint your children or loved ones? Challenge these thoughts. If you say no, what are the real consequences? Often, our fears exaggerate the impact.

By saying yes to everything, you risk overextending yourself, which leads to exhaustion and emotional depletion. This, in turn, keeps you stuck in a cycle of trying to meet everyone’s needs while neglecting your own. It’s time to identify how these fears hold you back. Reflect on whether the cost of over-commitment is worth the temporary comfort of avoiding confrontation or disappointment.

Focus on What Brings You Joy: Only say yes to activities that truly add meaning and value to your holiday experience. For instance, attending a family gathering might bring you joy, but you can skip the work party if it drains you. Remember, protecting your energy allows you to be more present and fully engaged in the moments that matter most to you and your kids.

Setting these boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s self-care. By learning to say no, you’re prioritizing what’s most important and teaching your children that it’s okay to set limits and protect their well-being too.

Clinical Techniques for Managing Holiday Stress

At Outside The Norm Counseling, we offer Clinical techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are powerful tools for managing stress, especially during the holiday season when emotions run high. Here’s how they help:

Identify and Challenge Thought Distortions: When stress mounts, our minds often default to negative and untrue beliefs, such as thinking, “I’m a failure because I can’t afford lavish gifts.” By using CBT strategies to question these thoughts, you can disrupt the automatic cycle of guilt and self-criticism. Asking yourself, “Is this truly accurate?” and reframing it to something kinder, like, “I’m providing love and stability, which is more important,” eases emotional pressure. This practice can significantly improve your mental well-being, as it transforms anxiety-fueled thoughts into balanced perspectives.

Emotion Regulation Skills: High-stress moments can feel overwhelming, making it difficult to think clearly or manage emotions. That’s where DBT skills come in. Techniques like grounding exercises anchor you to the present, using your senses to calm your mind. For instance, if you’re feeling anxious, you might try focusing on what you can see, hear, or touch to steady yourself. Self-soothing practices, like listening to calming music or taking a warm bath, offer comfort. These strategies empower you to handle distress more effectively, preventing a build-up of stress that could impact your interactions with loved ones.

Using these methods helps break the cycle of negative emotions, making the holidays less about stress and more about meaningful connections. At Outside The Norm Counseling, we tailor these techniques to each client, ensuring that you have the personalized support needed to manage holiday stress and beyond.

Support Your Kids’ Emotional Needs

When parents are navigating the emotional turmoil of divorce and financial stress during the holidays, kids can silently shoulder some of this burden. They may sense the tension even if it’s not explicitly discussed, leading them to internalize the weight of the situation. This often manifests in subtle behavioral changes rather than direct expressions of their feelings.

How Stress Affects Kids

Children may not always verbalize their struggles, but their behavior can tell a different story. Younger children might become clingy or regress to behaviors they had previously outgrown, like bed-wetting or tantrums. Older kids or teens may withdraw, display increased irritability, or exhibit academic struggles. Some children might also act out more as a way to cope with the tension, while others could become overly compliant, trying to keep the peace at home.

Signs to Look For

Mood Swings or Emotional Outbursts: Your child might become more emotionally reactive or have sudden mood changes that seem out of character.
Withdrawal from Friends and Activities: A previously social child may start isolating themselves or losing interest in hobbies they once loved.
Changes in Eating or Sleeping Habits: Increased anxiety can result in difficulties sleeping, nightmares, or even changes in appetite.
Academic Decline: A dip in grades or a lack of interest in school can be a signal of underlying emotional distress.
Somatic Complaints: Kids often express emotional pain physically. Headaches, stomach aches, or general fatigue without a clear medical cause can be indicators of stress.

How to Support Your Kids’ Emotional Needs

Model Healthy Coping: Your children are observant. They learn how to handle stress by watching you. If you practice healthy emotional regulation, like taking deep breaths or openly discussing feelings, they are likely to adopt similar habits.
Create a Safe Space for Communication: Instead of asking yes-or-no questions, try open-ended ones like, “How are you feeling about the upcoming holidays?” Make sure to validate their feelings by acknowledging their emotions, even if they seem minor or irrational.
Normalize Their Feelings: Remind them that it’s completely normal to feel sad, confused, or even angry about the changes happening. Children need reassurance that they’re not alone and that their emotions are valid.
Involve Them in Decision-Making: Giving children some control can be empowering. Let them help decide small holiday traditions, like which holiday movie to watch or what simple meal to prepare together.
Maintain Routines: As much as possible, keep daily routines consistent. Structure and predictability can offer comfort when other parts of their world feel uncertain.
Offer Extra Comfort: Sometimes, what kids need most is a little extra affection. Spend quality time together, offer hugs, and engage in comforting activities that strengthen your bond.

When to Seek Professional Support for Working Moms

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. At Outside The Norm Counseling, we don’t just put a band-aid on the problem. We work with you to heal deeply and create lasting change for you and your family.

Individual Therapy for Moms: Focus on your emotional health, build resilience, and learn to manage stress effectively.

Family Therapy: Address the impact of divorce on your family as a whole, helping everyone feel heard and supported.

When to Seek Professional Support for Kids and Teens

If your child’s behavior shifts dramatically or they’re struggling to cope, it may be time to consider therapy. A trained counselor can provide a safe space for your child to process their feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms. At Outside The Norm Counseling, we specialize in working with families, offering tailored strategies to help everyone navigate difficult transitions.

By remaining attentive to your child’s emotional needs and seeking support when necessary, you can help them feel more secure and resilient through the holiday season. If you’d like more guidance, reach out to us at Outside The Norm Counseling to schedule a session focused on building family well-being.

Counseling in California

At Outside The Norm Counseling, we understand the immense emotional strain and financial stress that can come with navigating the holidays after a divorce. We know how heartbreaking it is to want to create memorable experiences for your kids while facing the harsh reality of financial limitations. But remember, this challenging time also offers a chance to redefine what the holidays mean for your family. It’s about love, connection, and creating moments that don’t have to come with a high price tag.

Our therapists specialize in helping women and families not only cope but thrive through major life transitions. We’re here for working moms, women healing from infidelity, and those dealing with the complexities of single parenthood. In addition to supporting families through divorce and financial strain, we also work with clients facing anxiety, depression, trauma, couples therapy, and much more.

We provide both in-person and virtual counseling services across California, from Temecula to Corona, Murrieta, Canyon Lake, Wildomar, and beyond.

Take the Next Step Toward Healing

If you’re ready to reclaim your peace and find balance during this holiday season, we invite you to schedule a session with our compassionate team at Outside The Norm Counseling. Whether it’s individual therapy or family support, we’re here to walk this path with you. Remember, the magic of the season lies in the memories you create, not the money you spend. Let us help you and your family build a new, meaningful holiday tradition filled with love and support.

Reach out to us today to begin your healing journey, and discover how therapy can truly transform your life, beyond just a temporary fix.

Schedule a Session Today

About the Author

Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, is the founder of Outside The Norm Counseling in Temecula, California. With a deep passion for empowering women, Veronica specializes in helping high-achieving moms and wives navigate the complexities of relationships, motherhood, and personal growth. Her approach is anything but surface-level; she believes in getting to the root of issues and providing actionable skills for lasting transformation. When she’s not counseling, Veronica is hosting her podcast, Empowered and Unapologetic, where she inspires women to live authentically and unapologetically.