Teenage Anxiety Q&A with a Marriage and Family Therapist

By Leslie Adams, AMFT #120800

Ah, the teenage years – a time when emotions run high, the search for identity is in full swing, and everything feels super complicated. It’s not an easy time for teens, or parents! As a marriage and family therapist, I’ve witnessed the struggle. It can leave parent’s questioning everything. While teenage anxiety is somewhat common these days, it is still pretty tricky to comprehend, so allow me to assist. In this blog post, I’m answering all the frequently asked questions that come up, so read on!

Question 1: Is Teenage Anxiety Normal?

One hundred percent, yes! Teenage anxiety is a completely normal experience. Adolescence is a time of huge change – physically, emotionally, and socially. It’s a period of identity formation and self-discovery, and that can be incredibly anxiety-inducing. Add in the pressure of academic success, social acceptance, and the looming question of “What do I want to be when I grow up?” and you’ve got a recipe for anxiety.

Think of it this way: anxiety is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s going on here, and we need to pay attention.” It’s a survival mechanism. For teenagers, this heightened state of alertness can sometimes manifest as anxiety.

So, teenage anxiety is not just normal, but it’s an expected part of growing up. But remember, the intensity and duration of anxiety vary from one individual to another. Some teenagers may experience mild, occasional anxiety, while others might have more frequent, intense episodes. And that’s okay. What’s essential is that they learn to manage and cope with it.

Question 2: What Triggers Teenage Anxiety?

Ummm, everything, like you embarrassing them at the store, going to a new place, ordering a meal at a restaurant. If you’ve ever met a teenager, you might know that the question should be, “What doesn’t trigger teenage anxiety?” Jokes aside, there are some common triggers for teenage anxiety:

1. Academic Pressure: High school, college applications, standardized tests – it’s no wonder that academic pressures can make even the most composed teens a bit jittery.
2. Social Pressures: The fear of rejection, the longing for acceptance, and the overwhelming urge to fit in can all trigger anxiety. Adolescents often grapple with peer pressure and the desire to be part of a group.
3. Family Issues: Family dynamics can play a significant role in teenage anxiety. Conflict, communication problems, or a family history of anxiety or other mental health issues can contribute to a teen’s emotional state.
4. Hormonal Changes: The physical changes of adolescence, coupled with hormonal fluctuations, can lead to mood swings and anxiety.
5. Technology and Social Media: The constant barrage of information and comparison on social media can make teenagers feel like they’re falling behind or missing out.
6. Future Uncertainty: Questions about what the future holds, like career choices and life after high school, can create anxiety about the unknown.

Question 3: How Can I Tell If My Teenager Is Anxious?

The signs of teenage anxiety can be different for each individual, however there are some common indicators to look out for:

1. Physical Symptoms: Watch for signs like headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension, or rapid heart rate. These can be physical manifestations of anxiety.
2. Behavioral Changes: If your teenager suddenly becomes more irritable, withdrawn, or restless, it could be a sign of anxiety. Changes in sleep patterns, such as insomnia or excessive sleeping, can also be an indication.
3. Academic Decline: Anxiety can affect a teen’s concentration and motivation, leading to a decline in school performance.
4. Avoidance: Some teens may try to avoid situations or activities that trigger anxiety. This could be social events, school, or even extracurricular activities they once enjoyed.
5. Excessive Worrying: If your teenager is constantly worrying about things beyond their control or overthinking minor issues, it could be a sign of anxiety.
6. Social Isolation: Teens struggling with anxiety might isolate themselves from friends and family, further intensifying their feelings of loneliness and despair.

Question 4: What Can I Do to Help My Anxious Teen?

Supporting an anxious teenager can be really difficult, but it’s so important to try to get right. Here are some strategies to consider:

1. Open Communication: Encourage your teen to talk about their feelings. Be a good listener without judgment, reassure them that their emotions are valid, and don’t jump straight to “fix it” mode.
2. Normalize Anxiety: Let them know that anxiety is a common human experience. Share your own stories of anxiety to show that it’s something we all face at some point.
3. Teach Coping Skills: Help your teenager develop healthy coping mechanisms. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or journaling can be very helpful.
4. Encourage a Healthy Lifestyle: Encourage regular exercise, a balanced diet, and good quality sleep. Physical well-being plays a significant role in mental well-being.
5. Seek Professional Help: If your teenager’s anxiety is severe, persistent, or interfering with their daily life, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. Therapy, medication, or a combination of both might be recommended.
6. Set Realistic Expectations: Don’t pressure your teen to be perfect. Help them understand that it’s okay to make mistakes and that failure is a part of growth. Encourage a growth mindset.

Question 5: Can I Prevent Teenage Anxiety?

While it’s not possible to completely prevent teenage anxiety, you can certainly take steps to reduce the risk and help your teenager navigate this challenging phase more smoothly. Here are some proactive measures:

1. Healthy Family Dynamics: Promote open communication within the family. Create a safe and supportive environment where your teen feels comfortable expressing their feelings.
2. Stress Reduction: Encourage your teen to participate in stress-reducing activities such as yoga, meditation, or hobbies they enjoy.
3. Balanced Schedules: Help your teenager find a balance between academics, extracurricular activities, and downtime. Normalize having unscheduled time to rest and recharge.
4. Limit Screen Time: Monitor and limit the use of smartphones and social media, which can contribute to anxiety.
5. Encourage Independence: Allow your teenager to make age-appropriate decisions and learn from their mistakes. When they learn to trust themselves, it can boost their self-esteem and resilience.
6. Get Professional Help Early On: If you notice signs of anxiety, don’t wait. Seek professional help early to prevent the issue from worsening.

Question 6: How Can I Support My Anxious Teen Without Smothering Them?

Ah, the eternal struggle of finding the balance between support and smothering. It’s not an easy feat, but it’s crucial. Here are some tips to guide you:

1. Active Listening: Instead of rushing to solve your teen’s problems, listen actively. Sometimes, they just need someone to vent to.
2. Respect Boundaries: Respect your teenager’s need for personal space and independence. Avoid prying or pushing too hard.
3. Empower Problem-Solving: Encourage your teen to come up with their own solutions to their issues. This helps build their confidence and resilience.
4. Pick Your Battles: Not every issue requires you to step in. Learn to differentiate between typical teenage challenges and serious concerns.
5. Offer Guidance, Not Dictation: Instead of telling your teen what to do, ask open-ended questions to guide their thinking.
6. Share Your Wisdom: Share your experiences, but be cautious not to sound preachy or dismissive of their feelings.

Question 7: Can My Teens’ Anxieties Impact the Family?

Absolutely. Teenage anxiety can affect the whole family. It’s possible to address your teens needs together, as a family unit, here’s how:

1. Teamwork: Work as a cohesive team unit with your spouse/partner, co-parent, or other adult care-givers to provide support for your anxious teenager. Consistency in rules and boundaries is key.
2. Self-Care: Make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well. Burnout can happen if you’re constantly focusing on your teen’s anxiety, which can make it harder for you to support them.
3. Family Meetings: Organize family meetings where you can discuss your concerns and solutions. Encourage open and respectful communication.
4. Seek Help as a Family: Sometimes, family therapy can be incredibly beneficial in addressing the impact of teenage anxiety on the family as a whole.

Question 8: What Should I Do If My Teenager Refuses Help?

Some teens will resist their parents’ help. If your teen is refusing help, don’t pull your hair out or issue threats, consider the following approach:

1. Educate Them: Share information about anxiety and its treatment options. Make sure they understand that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
2. Be Patient: Don’t push too hard. Allow them to come to their own decision at their own pace.
3. Offer Alternatives: Explore various treatment options, such as therapy, medication, or lifestyle changes, and discuss which one might be most appealing to them.
4. Lead by Example: Sometimes, starting therapy yourself can set a positive example for your teenager and show that it’s okay to seek help.
5. Involve a Trusted Adult: If your teenager refuses help and their anxiety is severe, consult with a trusted adult or counselor who might have more influence on them.

Teenage anxiety is a tricky challenge to handle, but it’s not impossible- even if it feels that way some days. With open communication, understanding, and a whole lot of patience, you can help your teenager gain tools and support to help them deal with their anxiety. Things can and will get better! So, keep the lines of communication open, show love and support, and remember that you’re not alone on this journey.