The holidays are supposed to be magical, filled with joy, family traditions, and love. But let’s be real—how often does it feel like that for you? If you’re a mom, chances are this time of year feels less like a Hallmark movie and more like running a never-ending marathon.
Your to-do list is never-ending: shopping for gifts, planning events, decorating the house, hosting holiday parties, making time for family traditions, and juggling work—all while trying to make everything “perfect.” Add kids, a partner, and perhaps even work demands to the mix, and it’s no wonder you’re burned out before December even begins.
Listen, I get it. Every year, my family and I take our kids to ice skating followed by Candy Cane Lane in Poway, California. We blast holiday music while the kids sit in the bed of the truck as we safely drive through the neighborhood, marveling at the lights. It’s a tradition we look forward to every year, but I’ll admit it: the weeks leading up to it are stressful.
My office is packed with clients struggling with anxiety, depression, and relationship issues. Couples tell me they feel like they’re married to their roommate, and kids come in overwhelmed by their parents’ constant fights. On top of that, I’m a mom of three, a business owner, and a podcast host. Add holiday stress to the mix, and some days it feels impossible.
The Cost of Holiday Burnout
The truth is, we moms put so much pressure on ourselves to make the holidays memorable. But at what cost?
- Are you happy?
- Are you overwhelmed?
- Do you really have to get every single gift?
- Do you really have to go to every Christmas event?
Let’s face it: you can’t do it all. I know admitting that feels like some form of submission, like you’re weak. But it’s not weakness—it’s honesty. And here’s the real question: do you even want to do it all?
Ever feel like your marriage and business are battling for the top spot in your life? Spoiler alert: You’re not alone. The good news? Balance isn’t about choosing sides—it’s about designing a life where both can thrive. Ready to learn how? Listen on Apple. Listen on Spotify. Listen on YouTube.
Symptoms of Burnout
Burnout doesn’t just make you feel tired—it seeps into every aspect of your life. Here are some common symptoms to look out for:
- Physical exhaustion: Constantly feeling tired, drained, or even sick.
- Example: You wake up exhausted even after 8 hours of sleep.
- Irritability: Snapping at your kids or partner over small things.
- Example: Your child spills their juice, and you lose your temper.
- Difficulty concentrating: Struggling to focus on tasks or forgetting things.
- Example: You can’t remember why you walked into a room or missed a deadline at work.
- Loss of joy: Things you used to love now feel like chores.
- Example: Decorating the tree feels like another task to check off your list.
- Emotional numbness: Feeling detached from your family or unable to connect emotionally.
- Example: You’re physically present but mentally checked out during family time.
How We Mask Burnout and Overwhelm
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re burned out because we’ve gotten so good at masking it. Sound familiar?
- Drinking more wine or cocktails to “relax.”
- Scrolling TikTok or Instagram to escape reality.
- Overeating comfort food to self-soothe.
- Zoning out in the bathroom just to have five minutes alone.
- Overbooking yourself because staying busy feels productive.
These coping mechanisms may offer temporary relief, but they don’t address the root issue—they only push you closer to the edge.
Perfectionism and the Holiday Pressure
If you’re reading this, you’re probably a perfectionist. You love the validation of hosting the best parties, buying the perfect gifts, and making everything just right.
But here’s the truth: perfectionism is exhausting.
- Why do you push yourself to do it all?
- Are you seeking validation from others?
- Are you trying to make up for something you lacked as a child?
Perfectionism isn’t about being perfect—it’s about avoiding the fear of failure, rejection, or not being “enough.” It’s rooted in insecurity and a lack of confidence.
The Impact on Your Family
Burnout doesn’t just affect you—it impacts your entire family.
- Your kids: They feel the stress you’re carrying. They notice when you’re checked out or irritable, and it can make them feel like they’re the problem.
- Your partner: They may feel neglected or criticized, leading to arguments and disconnection.
- Yourself: You lose sight of what truly matters—being present, intentional, and joyful.
The Link Between Anxiety and Depression in Women
Burnout often stems from a combination of anxiety and depression. These two conditions frequently occur together, creating a cycle that’s hard to break:
- Anxiety fuels the need to overwork, overcommit, and overperform.
- Depression sets in when you feel like your efforts aren’t enough, leading to guilt, hopelessness, and exhaustion.
This cycle doesn’t just hurt you—it impacts how you show up for your family.
Why Asking for Help Is Essential
You can’t do it all, and you shouldn’t have to. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an act of self-respect.
- Delegate tasks: Let your partner handle shopping or meal prep.
- Lower your expectations: Good enough is better than perfect.
- Say no: You don’t have to attend every event or host every party.
Your family doesn’t need a perfect holiday—they need a happy, present mom.
A Simple Challenge to Identify Overwhelm
Take five minutes to pause and check in with yourself:
- Write down everything on your to-do list.
- Circle the tasks that are truly essential.
- Cross out anything you’re doing just to impress others or meet unrealistic expectations.
- Delegate one task to someone else.
This simple exercise helps you prioritize what matters and let go of unnecessary stress.
Quick DBT Skills for Self-Regulation
Here are some Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) techniques to help you manage overwhelm:
- STOP Skill
- Stop what you’re doing.
- Take a deep breath.
- Observe your thoughts and emotions.
- Proceed mindfully.
- Self-Soothing
Use your senses to ground yourself:- Light a holiday-scented candle.
- Listen to calming music.
- Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket.
- Check the Facts
Challenge perfectionist thoughts:- “Do I really have to do this, or am I putting unnecessary pressure on myself?”
The Consequences of Pushing Yourself Too Far
If you keep pushing through burnout, the consequences are severe:
- Physical health issues: Chronic stress leads to fatigue, headaches, and illness.
- Emotional detachment: You miss out on meaningful moments with your family.
- Relationship strain: Resentment builds when you feel unsupported or unappreciated.
Reconnect with Yourself
If you’re feeling lost, I encourage you to listen to my podcast episode: When Did I Lose Me? A Mother’s Confession. In this episode, we dive into how moms lose themselves in the chaos of life and how to reclaim their identity.
You’ll also find helpful resources on our website: Outside The Norm Counseling Freebie Page.
Take the Next Step Toward Healing
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Let go of the pressure to do it all and focus on what truly matters: connection, love, and presence.
At Outside The Norm Counseling, we specialize in helping women break free from burnout, anxiety, and depression. Whether you need individual therapy or family support, we’re here to help you find balance and joy.
Schedule a session today and give yourself the gift of peace this holiday season.
About the Author
Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. Based in Temecula, California, she is the founder of Outside The Norm Counseling, where she helps women and families navigate life’s challenges with confidence and clarity.
