The holidays are supposed to be a joyful time, filled with family, celebration, and connection. But what happens when your teen seems withdrawn, irritable, or sad? You’ve noticed something isn’t right—they’re spending more time in their room, playing video games, or scrolling on their phone, and they barely engage with the family anymore.
You bring it up to your spouse, expressing your concerns, only to feel dismissed. “You’re overreacting,” he says, brushing it off. The disagreement turns into an argument, and once again, you keep your worries to yourself.
But deep down, you know something is wrong.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents struggle with recognizing and addressing depression in their teens, especially during the holidays. Here’s what you need to know to help your child and start these difficult conversations—with both your teen and your partner.
Ever feel like the holidays turn into a pressure cooker of stress, chaos, and unmet expectations? You’re not alone—but what if I told you joy isn’t something you need to find, it’s something you need to recognize? Listen on Apple. Listen on Spotify. Listen on YouTube.
Recognizing the Signs of Depression and Anxiety in Teens
Depression in teens often looks different than it does in adults, and it can be hard to spot. While mood swings and irritability might seem like “typical teen behavior,” they can also signal something deeper.
Here are some signs to watch for:
Depression
- Social withdrawal: Your teen avoids friends, family, and activities they used to enjoy.
- Loss of interest: Hobbies, sports, or other passions no longer excite them.
- Changes in sleep patterns: Sleeping too much or too little.
- Appetite changes: A sudden increase or decrease in eating habits.
- Feelings of worthlessness: Expressing self-doubt, guilt, or feeling like a failure.
Anxiety
- Restlessness or constant worry: Your teen appears on edge or overly concerned about small things.
- Avoidance: Skipping school, social events, or activities that cause them stress.
- Perfectionism: Fear of failure or intense pressure to succeed.
- Physical symptoms: Complaints of stomachaches, headaches, or unexplained physical discomfort.
- Difficulty concentrating: Struggling to focus on schoolwork or tasks.
If your teen shows several of these signs for more than a few weeks, it’s time to take action.
Why Teens Struggle During the Holidays
The holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness and stress for teens who are struggling. Social media plays a big role in this. While scrolling, they’re bombarded with images of “perfect” families and celebrations, which can deepen their sense of isolation. Add academic pressures, unresolved family tensions, and the emotional weight of the season, and it’s no surprise they might feel overwhelmed.
Starting the Conversation with Your Teen
It’s hard to know how to approach your teen when they’ve shut down. You worry that bringing it up will upset them or make them retreat further. But avoiding the conversation only allows the problem to grow.
Here are some ways to start the conversation:
- Pick the Right Time
Choose a quiet moment when you’re both relaxed, like during a drive or while doing an activity together. Avoid approaching them when emotions are already high. - Express Your Observations, Not Judgments
Start with what you’ve noticed. For example:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time in your room lately and you don’t seem as interested in things you used to enjoy. I’m worried about you.” - Validate Their Feelings
Let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling. Avoid minimizing their experience with statements like, “It’s not that bad,” or, “You just need to cheer up.” Instead, try:
“It’s okay to feel sad or overwhelmed. I want to understand what’s going on so I can help.” - Ask Open-Ended Questions
Encourage them to share by asking questions like:
“What’s been on your mind lately?” or, “How are you feeling about school or friends?” - Normalize Therapy
If your teen seems open to the idea of therapy, explain how it can help:
“Therapy isn’t about fixing you; it’s a safe place to talk about what you’re going through and find ways to feel better.”
Talking to Your Husband About Your Concerns
It can be incredibly frustrating when your partner dismisses your concerns about your teen’s mental health. But instead of letting it turn into an argument, approach the conversation using Gottman’s Dreams Within Conflict framework.
How to Communicate Your Fears
- Start with Your Fear
Share why this matters to you:
“I’m scared that if we don’t address this, things will get worse. I’m worried about [child’s name] feeling alone and not knowing how to handle their emotions.” - Connect It to Your Past
Help your husband understand why this is so important to you by sharing your personal experience:
“When I was their age, I felt really lonely too, and I didn’t know how to talk about it. I don’t want [child’s name] to go through the same thing.” - Explain Why It Matters
Show him the bigger picture:
“This isn’t just about therapy—it’s about making sure our child feels supported and loved.” - Ask About His Fears
Address his possible concerns with empathy:
“What worries you about therapy? Are you afraid [child’s name] might feel singled out or that others might judge them?” - State What You Need
Be clear about what you’re asking:
“I need us to be on the same page about this. I’d like us to try therapy for a few months and see how it helps.”
By approaching the conversation with vulnerability and curiosity, you’re more likely to receive validation and support.
Addressing Common Fears About Therapy
Many parents hesitate to seek therapy for their kids because of common fears:
- “What if they’re made fun of?”
Therapy is increasingly normalized, especially among teens. Many schools and communities even have resources to support mental health. - “What if it makes them feel broken or different?”
Therapy isn’t about labeling or diagnosing; it’s about giving teens the tools they need to manage their emotions and build confidence. - “What if they won’t talk to the therapist?”
It’s normal for teens to be hesitant at first. A good therapist will build trust and create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to open up.
Encourage Connection and Seek Professional Help
When you’re ready to take the next step, we’re here to help. Listen to Episode 141 of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast: 5 Tips on How to Parent a Depressed Teen. In this episode, we dive into actionable steps you can take to support your child and yourself.
Additionally, visit our free resource page at Outside The Norm Counseling for tools and guides tailored to parents navigating tough conversations about mental health.
Why Therapy Works
At Outside The Norm Counseling, we specialize in helping teens and their families navigate anxiety, depression, and life transitions. Our therapists understand the unique challenges teens face today—from social pressures to academic stress—and work collaboratively to create a safe space where they can heal.
Our California-based practice serves Temecula, Murrieta, Corona, Canyon Lake, and Wildomar, offering both in-person and virtual sessions. Whether your teen is struggling with loneliness, self-doubt, or overwhelming emotions, we’re here to help.
Take the Next Step Toward Healing
The holidays can be tough for teens, but they don’t have to navigate them alone. Therapy is an opportunity to give your child the tools they need to thrive—not just during the holidays, but in life.
Schedule a session with our compassionate team at Outside The Norm Counseling. Let’s work together to create a holiday season filled with understanding, connection, and hope.
About the Author
Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, mother of three, ,married for over 25 years, speaker, and host of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast. Based in Temecula, California, she is the founder of Outside The Norm Counseling, where she helps parents and teens navigate mental health challenges. Through her practice, podcast, and resources, Veronica empowers families to connect, communicate, and thrive.
