Written by: Taylor Aiona, LCSW 118192
Understanding the signs of suicide in your spouse is crucial. It can help save their life. I want you to leave this page with more information on how to recognize the signs and be supportive. Supportive of yourself and your spouse. The goal is to provide clear, practical information that you can use to help your loved one.
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Recognizing the Symptoms
Knowing the signs of suicide can make a big difference. Here are some key symptoms to watch for:
- Talking about wanting to die: This is the most obvious sign. If your spouse talks about ending their life, take it seriously. Even if they state, “I’m just kidding.” Discuss how seriously you receive that statement.
- Feelings of hopelessness: They might say things like “What’s the point?” or “I feel like a burden.”
- Withdrawing from friends and family: If your spouse starts to isolate themselves, it can be a red flag.
- Changes in behavior: Look for drastic changes, like a sudden drop in interest in hobbies or work.
- Mood swings: Extreme mood changes, such as going from very sad to very calm, can be a warning sign.
- Increased use of alcohol or drugs: Substance abuse can be both a sign and a risk factor for suicide.
- Giving away possessions: Your spouse starts giving away things they care about. This might indicate they are preparing for the end.
- Changes in sleep patterns: Sleeping too much or too little can also be a sign of depression and suicidal thoughts.
Examples of Behaviors to Watch For
Here are some specific examples of behaviors that could indicate your spouse is thinking about suicide:
- Verbal hints: Saying things like “I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up.”
- Researching methods: Looking up ways to end their life or researching suicide online.
- Risky behavior: Engaging in dangerous activities without concern for their safety.
- Physical changes: Neglecting personal hygiene or losing a lot of weight quickly.
- Sudden calmness: After a period of depression, a sudden sense of peace can mean they’ve made a decision to end their life.
How to Support Your Spouse
Supporting a spouse who may be suicidal can be challenging. We want to act with care and compassion. Here are some steps you can take:
- Talk to them: Open a dialogue without judgment. Ask them directly if they are thinking about suicide. It’s a myth that asking about suicide can plant the idea in their head. In fact, it can be a relief for them to talk about it.
- Example: “I’ve noticed you’ve been really down lately, and I’m worried about you. Have you had any thoughts of hurting yourself?”
- Listen without judgment: Let them express their feelings. Sometimes, just being heard can make a big difference.
- Example: “It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now. I’m here for you, I’m sorry things are so heavy.”
- Encourage them to seek professional help: A therapist or counselor can provide the support they need. If they’re hesitant, offer to help them find someone or even go with them to their first appointment.
- Example: “Talking to a therapist helped me when I was struggling. What do you think about seeing one?”
- Remove access to means: If possible, ensure they don’t have access to weapons, drugs, or other items they could use to harm themselves.
- Example: “Let’s move the firearms out of the house for now or change the safe code so only I know it. It’s just a precaution.”
- Create a safety plan: Work together to create a plan for when they feel suicidal. Include emergency contact numbers and steps to take if they feel they might hurt themselves.
- Example: “Let’s write down some things you can do if you start feeling like this again, and who you can call for support.”
- Stay connected: Regular check-ins can help them feel less isolated.
- Example: “How about we have a coffee date every morning? Just to talk and see how you’re doing.”
Coping as a Supportive Partner
Being the partner of someone who is suicidal can be incredibly tough. Here are some tips for coping:
- Take care of yourself: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating well, and taking time for yourself.
- Example: “I’m going for a walk to clear my head. Do you want to come with me, or should I go alone for a bit?”
- Seek support: Don’t do it alone. Talk to friends, family, or a support group. Sharing your burden can help you manage stress.
- Example: “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately with everything going on. Can we talk about it?”
- Educate yourself: Learn more about depression and suicide. Understanding what your spouse is going through can help you provide better support.
- Example: “I read an article about depression today, and it helped me understand what you might be feeling.”
- Set boundaries: While it’s important to support your spouse, you also need to set boundaries to protect your own mental health.
- Example: “I want to help you, but I also need some time to recharge. Let’s talk again in an hour.”
Recognizing the signs of suicide in your spouse is the first step in helping them. Remember, it’s also crucial to take care of yourself during this process. Don’t feel that you have to be the only one supporting your spouse. You may not know everything to help them and it’s important to remind yourself of that. Reach out to a professional for yourself and/or your spouse.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
