Written By: Taylor Aiona, LCSW 118192
When someone you care about has attempted suicide, it can be hard to know what to do. You are likely to feel overwhelmed, unsure, and scared. You know you need to be there to support them and also recognize how to take care of yourself. It’s a lot to process and manage. Let’s talk about how to do the best you can with it.
Understanding What They’re Going Through
After a suicide attempt, your loved one may go through a wide range of emotions. They might feel ashamed, embarrassed, or guilty. These feelings can make it hard for them to open up, even though they need help.
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Common Behaviors After a Suicide Attempt
- Withdrawal: They might isolate themselves and avoid social interaction.
- Mood swings: Rapid changes in mood are common. One moment, they may seem fine, and the next, they could be crying or angry.
- Difficulty sleeping: Insomnia or sleeping too much can be signs of ongoing emotional struggle.
- Lack of energy or motivation: Depression can drain them of energy, making it hard to engage in everyday tasks.
- Talking about feeling like a burden: Many people who attempt suicide feel that they’re a problem for others.
Signs That They’re Still Struggling
Even after a suicide attempt, the person may continue to struggle with suicidal thoughts. Be alert for the following signs:
- Talking about death or wanting to die: Even if it seems casual, take these comments seriously.
- Giving away personal items: If they start giving away things that mean a lot to them, it might be a warning sign.
- Risky behavior: Reckless actions, like driving dangerously or using drugs. This can show that they still feel disconnected from life.
- Expressing hopelessness: Phrases like “Things will never get better” or “I can’t see any way out” are red flags.
How to Offer Support
Being there for someone after a suicide attempt is not easy, but it’s vital. Here’s how you can help them heal:
1. Listen Without Judgment
When they talk, let them share their feelings openly. Avoid trying to “fix” the situation or giving advice right away. Sometimes, just listening is enough. You might say something like, “I’m here for you, and I want to understand what you’re going through.”
2. Check In Regularly
Don’t wait for them to reach out. Call or text them regularly, even if it’s just to say hello. These small gestures remind them that they’re not alone. A simple “How are you feeling today?” can go a long way.
3. Encourage Professional Help
Support them in finding a therapist or counselor if they don’t already have one. This may involve helping them find a mental health provider or offering to go with them to appointments if they feel nervous.
4. Be Patient
Recovery after a suicide attempt takes time. Don’t expect them to “bounce back” quickly. They may have good days and bad days, and that’s normal.
5. Create a Safe Space
Help make their environment feel safe and supportive. If possible, reduce access to things that could be used for self-harm, like medications or sharp objects. Encourage them to spend time in peaceful, positive surroundings.
How do We Cope?
It’s important that both you and your loved one develop healthy coping mechanisms. Falling into unhealthy patterns can make things worse for both of you.
Coping Strategies for Your Loved One
- Building a Routine: Encourage them to create a simple daily schedule. Even small tasks, like getting out of bed, showering, and eating meals, can add structure and help them feel more in control.
- Physical Activity: Exercise releases endorphins, which can improve mood. Suggest going for a walk or doing some light stretching.
- Journaling: Writing about their thoughts and feelings can help them process their emotions and recognize patterns.
- Mindfulness or Meditation: These practices can help calm their mind and reduce feelings of anxiety or stress.
- Engaging in Hobbies: Encourage them to pick up hobbies they enjoy, like painting, reading, or listening to music. Finding joy in small activities can aid their recovery.
Coping Strategies for You
Supporting someone through a crisis can take a toll on you too. It’s important to care for your own mental health so you can be there for them.
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to step away if you need a break. Set limits on how much emotional energy you can give, and don’t feel guilty for needing time for yourself.
- Reach Out for Help: You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about what you’re going through. It can be emotionally exhausting, and having a support system for yourself is crucial.
- Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge. Whether it’s reading a book, exercising, or spending time outdoors, make time for things that make you feel good.
- Avoid Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: It’s tempting to cope with stress by turning to alcohol, overeating, or other unhealthy habits. Instead, focus on positive outlets like talking to someone, exercising, or engaging in a hobby.
What Not to Do
Knowing what not to do is just as important as knowing how to help. Here are a few things to avoid:
1. Don’t Minimize Their Feelings
Saying things like, “It’s not that bad,” or “You have so much to live for” can make them feel misunderstood. Instead, validate their feelings by saying, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you.”
2. Don’t Avoid the Topic
It’s a tough conversation to have, but avoiding the topic of suicide can make them feel more isolated. Instead, talk openly about their feelings, and let them know they can come to you when they’re struggling.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
If they withdraw from you or seem irritable, remember that it’s not about you. They’re going through something difficult, and it’s normal for their mood to fluctuate.
Moving Forward Together
Healing after a suicide attempt is a long process, but with the right support, your loved one can recover and lead a fulfilling life. It’s important to remember that you’re not expected to have all the answers. You don’t need to fix everything; your presence and care are often enough.
By showing up, listening, and encouraging them to seek professional help, you’re giving them a strong foundation for recovery. Supporting someone through this difficult time is challenging, but with patience and compassion, you can help them heal and find hope again.
Final Thoughts
If you’re supporting someone after a suicide attempt, remember that you’re not alone. There are resources available to help you, too. Reach out to hotlines, support groups, or mental health professionals if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Helping your loved one is important, but so is taking care of yourself.
Your care and compassion can make a huge difference in their journey toward recovery. Be patient, stay informed, and never underestimate the power of simply being there.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
