You lie awake at night, replaying every conversation, every moment of tension, every time you pretended things were “fine” for the sake of the kids. Maybe you’ve asked yourself:
Am I doing more harm by staying?
Will leaving ruin them?
What if I regret it?
This is the quiet agony so many parents carry—feeling stuck between the duty of staying and the desperate need for peace.
At Outside The Norm Counseling in Temecula, CA, we work with individuals every day who are caught in this emotional tug-of-war. And if this is you, I want you to know: you are not selfish, broken, or failing. You are human.
Let’s talk about what this really looks like—and what you can do if you’re in this place right now.
Why This Decision Feels So Impossible
There’s a reason this dilemma feels like one of the hardest choices you’ll ever face. It’s not just about a relationship ending—it’s about your identity as a parent, your children’s future, and the fear of the unknown.
Here’s what often keeps people stuck:
1. Guilt: The Heavy Weight of “Should”
You feel like you should stay—for the kids, for the family, for appearances. But that word “should” is rooted in guilt, not truth.
➡️ “I don’t want them to grow up in a broken home.”
➡️ “I feel selfish for even thinking about leaving.”
➡️ “What kind of example would I be setting?”
But here’s the thing: kids don’t just need two parents under the same roof—they need happy, emotionally healthy parents. Sometimes, staying creates more tension than peace.
2. Fear: Of the Unknown, Judgment, or Regret
Even if you know you’re unhappy, the idea of leaving can be terrifying. Will you be able to manage alone? What will others think? Will your kids hate you?
These fears are valid—but they don’t get to be the only voice in the room. Courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s choosing what’s best in spite of it.
3. Hope: “Maybe It Will Get Better”
There might still be love there. Or at least, the memory of what used to be. And with that comes hope:
🌀 Maybe if we try harder…
🌀 Maybe if we give it one more shot…
🌀 Maybe I just need to change something…
This hope can be beautiful—but it can also keep you stuck if it’s masking deeper pain or avoidance.
So… What Do You Do?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. But there is a way forward—one that honors both your kids and your own well-being.
Here’s where you can start:
1. Get Clear on What You Want—Not Just What You Fear
Instead of only focusing on what you’re afraid of, ask yourself:
🌱 “What kind of life do I want to model for my kids?”
🌱 “How do I want to feel in my home, in my body, in my relationship?”
🌱 “If my child were in my shoes, what would I want for them?”
These questions help shift you from survival mode to self-reflection.
2. Talk to a Therapist (Even If You’re Not Ready to Decide Yet)
You don’t have to have it all figured out to get support. In fact, therapy is where many people start to unpack their options safely—without pressure.
At Outside The Norm Counseling, we work with women and men who are navigating these exact questions. We help you find clarity, explore your values, and figure out what decision aligns with who you are.
3. Communicate with Care—Not Out of Crisis
If you have a partner, you don’t need to open the conversation with “I’m thinking of leaving.” Start with how you’re feeling, not what you’re planning.
🗣️ “I’ve been feeling really disconnected lately.”
🗣️ “I’m carrying a lot of guilt and confusion, and I think I need support.”
🗣️ “I don’t know where I stand, but I know I can’t keep pretending I’m okay.”
Small conversations lead to big shifts.
4. Focus on the Kids—But Don’t Disappear Behind Them
It’s okay to consider how your decisions affect your kids. But don’t let their needs erase yours entirely. Your kids need a parent who’s present, regulated, and emotionally safe—not just physically in the home.
Remember: kids learn not just from what we say, but from how we live.
What If You’re Still Not Ready?
That’s okay. You don’t have to take action today. But you can take one small step—whether it’s journaling your feelings, scheduling a consult, or confiding in someone you trust.
The goal isn’t to rush. It’s to begin.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At Outside The Norm Counseling, we support clients throughout Temecula, Murrieta, Wildomar, Canyon Lake, and Menifee who are navigating this deeply personal decision. We know the stakes feel high. We know your heart is heavy.
We’re not here to tell you what to do. We’re here to walk beside you as you figure it out.
What we offer: ✔️ Individual therapy for women and men in conflicted relationships
✔️ Couples counseling (including discernment counseling for “should we stay or go?” clarity)
✔️ Trauma-informed support for guilt, shame, and burnout
✔️ Online and in-person therapy options
📞 Ready to take the next step? Call 951-395-3288 to schedule a free consultation.
Final Thoughts: It’s Okay to Want More
This isn’t about giving up. It’s about getting real—with yourself, your needs, and your life. Whether you stay or leave, you deserve support in making a decision you can live with, grow from, and feel proud of.
You’re not alone. Your story isn’t over. And the next chapter? It gets to be written by you.
📞 Call 951-395-3288 today to connect with a therapist who understands.
About the Author
Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, is the founder of Outside The Norm Counseling in Temecula, California. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, and host of Empowered and Unapologetic, Veronica helps high-achieving moms navigate the challenges of parenting, relationships, and personal growth. With a direct, no-BS approach, she provides actionable strategies that create lasting change. When she’s not working, she’s living the real-life struggles of motherhood firsthand. Click here to book an appointment or call 951-395-3288.
