Becoming a new mom is a transformative experience, but it also brings emotional, physical, and relational challenges that many women aren’t prepared for. The excitement of welcoming a newborn often overshadows the reality of the postpartum period—a time when mothers can feel invisible, overwhelmed, and disconnected from their previous life. In a recent episode of the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Jess Hull, the founder of Mother Me, a support app designed for successful women navigating motherhood, opened up about her own postpartum journey, offering insights into how women can take care of themselves, maintain their relationships, and find the support they need to thrive.
In this blog, we’ll explore what affects a new mom’s mood, how to keep relationships strong amid the chaos, and why seeking support is essential for every mother.
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What Really Affects a Mom’s Mood After Baby?
Postpartum mood swings are real, and they’re influenced by several factors that many new moms don’t anticipate. According to Jess, a major one is the lack of sleep. Newborns have unpredictable sleep patterns, and the sleep deprivation that follows takes a toll on a mother’s mood and overall well-being. Exhaustion can lead to irritability, sadness, and even feelings of isolation, which is why it’s crucial to prioritize sleep whenever possible.
Hormonal changes also play a significant role. For example, decisions around breastfeeding can affect hormone levels, impacting a mother’s emotional state. Jess shared that for her, choosing not to breastfeed gave her a sense of autonomy, allowing her to feel more in control and letting her husband take on a more active role in caring for their children. She emphasized that every mother’s journey is unique, and the key is to find what works best for you.
Beyond hormones and sleep, societal expectations can weigh heavily on new mothers. Many women feel an overwhelming pressure to “do it all”—return to work, be a perfect mom, maintain relationships, and never show signs of struggle. But this impossible standard leads to burnout and feelings of failure. As Jess said, “No matter how ‘put together’ a mother may seem on the outside, the inside can tell a very different story.”
How Do You Keep Your Relationship Strong Through the Chaos?
The early days of motherhood often strain relationships, with nearly 70% of couples with kids under two reporting a decline in relationship satisfaction. Jess admitted that she initially expected her husband to know exactly what she needed without having to communicate it. However, once they started having honest, open conversations about their needs, things began to improve. This is where the tools from the Gottman Method, which focuses on building strong relationships through communication, became invaluable for Jess and her husband.
Regular check-ins with your partner can make all the difference. Many couples fall into the trap of expecting their partners to read their minds, which often leads to frustration. But by making time to communicate—whether it’s during a quiet moment after the baby goes to sleep or scheduling a weekly conversation—you can maintain a stronger, more connected relationship.
One strategy that worked for Jess was having dedicated “non-kid” time with her husband. They started instituting regular date nights, even if it was something as simple as going grocery shopping together. These moments allowed them to reconnect as partners, not just as parents.
The Importance of Self-Care for New Moms
Self-care is essential for all mothers, though it often gets pushed to the backburner in the chaos of caring for a newborn. Jess emphasized that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your mental and emotional health. Mothers who practice self-care set a powerful example for their children about the importance of personal well-being.
Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate or time-consuming. For Jess, it meant carving out time for activities she enjoyed, like tennis, while her husband spent time with their kids. Having these individual outlets allowed both partners to recharge, preventing burnout and enhancing their relationship.
Jess also discussed the importance of meal planning during the postpartum period. Nutrition plays a vital role in recovery and mood stabilization. Creating a simple meal plan or accepting help from family and friends can reduce stress and ensure you’re getting the nutrients you need to feel your best.
Seeking Support: You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Many women feel isolated after having a baby, especially when society’s attention shifts to the newborn, leaving mothers feeling invisible. But as Jess pointed out, we aren’t meant to go through motherhood alone. Support systems, whether through family, friends, or technology like the Mother Me app, are critical in helping mothers feel seen and supported.
In the U.S., there’s a common expectation for mothers to handle everything on their own, but in other cultures, communal support is a given. Surrounding yourself with people who understand what you’re going through can make a world of difference. Whether it’s a friend dropping off meals, a family member offering to babysit, or even joining a support group, accepting help is crucial to your well-being.
One of the hardest things for high-achieving women to do is accept help. Many see it as a sign of weakness. But Jess encourages all mothers to embrace support, understanding that it’s not about “having it all”—it’s about having the resources and tools to thrive during this new chapter of life.
Baby-Proofing Your Relationship
Navigating the transition to parenthood without losing sight of your relationship requires effort and intention. Jess shared a story about how a stranger once told her not to make any major decisions, like divorce, until the youngest child was at least five years old. While it may have seemed like odd advice at the time, it hit home as Jess realized how much parenting can strain a relationship.
Jess suggests that preparing couples for the relationship challenges of parenthood is just as important as preparing for the birth itself. A “baby-proof your relationship” approach could include practical strategies like setting time aside for each other, having open and honest conversations, and continuing to invest in your relationship, even amidst the chaos.
The Journey of Matrescence: Embracing Your New Identity
Jess introduced a concept that really resonated with me: matrescence—the process of becoming a mother, which she compared to adolescence. Just as teenagers go through a significant identity shift, so do mothers. This shift can be jarring, especially for high-achieving women who are used to being in control. But understanding that this is a normal process can help reduce anxiety and feelings of isolation.
Motherhood changes who you are, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose your sense of self. Jess encourages new moms to embrace this new identity, and by doing so, they can approach motherhood from a place of empowerment rather than survival.
Empowering Mothers to Thrive, Not Just Survive
The conversation with Jess Hull was a powerful reminder that while motherhood is incredibly rewarding, it also comes with challenges that shouldn’t be faced alone. Mothers need support, self-care, and strong communication with their partners to thrive during this time.
At Outside the Norm Counseling, we understand the unique struggles mothers face. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the emotional, physical, or relational challenges of motherhood, you don’t have to go through it alone. Our compassionate therapists are here to support you, offering personalized guidance to help you navigate this new chapter of life.
Reach out to us today, and let us help you find balance, connection, and peace in your postpartum journey.