As parents, we always want the best for our kids. We want them to feel safe, loved, and supported—especially when they’re struggling with something as overwhelming as anxiety. But what if, despite our best intentions, the things we say are actually making their anxiety worse?
If you’re the mom of a teen who constantly worries, overthinks, or struggles with fear of failure, you’ve probably found yourself trying to reassure them. Maybe you’ve said things like, “There’s nothing to worry about,” or “You’ll be fine”—only to see your teen shut down even more. It’s frustrating because you want to help, but nothing seems to work.
At Outside The Norm Counseling, we see this all the time. Parents mean well, but sometimes their words unintentionally add to their teen’s anxiety. This blog will break down some common phrases that can backfire and what to say instead to truly support your teen.
Understanding Teen Anxiety: Why Words Matter
Teen anxiety isn’t just stress about school or nervousness before a big event. It’s a real, physiological response that makes everyday situations feel overwhelming. When anxiety kicks in, your teen’s brain enters “fight, flight, or freeze” mode, making it harder for them to process logic, feel reassured, or regulate emotions.
That’s why telling them to “just calm down” doesn’t work—it dismisses their experience and makes them feel misunderstood. Instead, learning how to communicate effectively can help your teen feel validated, safe, and empowered to manage their anxiety.
8 Common Phrases That Make Teen Anxiety Worse (And What to Say Instead)
1. “Calm down, it’s not a big deal.”
➡️ Why it backfires: Your teen’s brain is already flooded with stress hormones. Telling them it’s “not a big deal” doesn’t make their feelings go away—it makes them feel like you don’t understand.
✔️ What to say instead:
“I can see you’re really upset. Want to talk about it?”
This validates their feelings while opening the door for a conversation.
2. “You have nothing to be anxious about.”
➡️ Why it backfires: Your teen’s anxiety isn’t about logic—it’s about how their brain perceives threats. Even if their worry seems irrational to you, it’s very real to them.
✔️ What to say instead:
“I know this feels really overwhelming right now. Let’s take a deep breath together.”
This approach acknowledges their feelings and helps them regulate their emotions.
3. “Just push through it.”
➡️ Why it backfires: Teens struggling with anxiety already feel like they should be “stronger.” This phrase can make them feel weak or like they’re failing.
✔️ What to say instead:
“It’s okay to take a break. How can I support you right now?”
Encouraging rest and self-care teaches them that managing anxiety isn’t about “pushing through” but learning how to work with their emotions.
4. “You’re overreacting.”
➡️ Why it backfires: Dismissing their feelings makes them feel unheard and invalidated, increasing their anxiety instead of reducing it.
✔️ What to say instead:
“It seems like this is really bothering you. Do you want to talk about it or take a break first?”
Giving them options helps them feel in control.
5. “Other kids have it worse.”
➡️ Why it backfires: While it’s true that others might have different struggles, this doesn’t make your teen’s anxiety any less real. Comparing their pain to others’ only adds guilt and shame.
✔️ What to say instead:
“I understand this is hard for you. You’re not alone, and I’m here to help.”
Reassuring them that their feelings are valid can help them feel safe opening up.
6. “You’ll be fine.”
➡️ Why it backfires: When teens hear this, they may think, “But I don’t feel fine! Why doesn’t my parent see that?” It shuts down communication instead of opening it.
✔️ What to say instead:
“I know you’re feeling anxious right now. What’s one small thing we can do together to help you feel better?”
This encourages problem-solving while making them feel supported.
7. “You worry too much.”
➡️ Why it backfires: Your teen already knows they worry too much—but they don’t know how to stop. This phrase makes them feel like something is wrong with them.
✔️ What to say instead:
“I see that your mind is racing. Let’s try slowing it down together with some deep breaths.”
Using grounding techniques together can help shift their focus.
8. “If you just tried harder, you wouldn’t be so stressed.”
➡️ Why it backfires: Anxiety isn’t about effort. It’s about how their brain processes stress. Telling them to “try harder” can make them feel like they’re failing.
✔️ What to say instead:
“I know you’re trying your best. Let’s figure out a plan to make this feel more manageable.”
This acknowledges their effort while offering solutions.
How Therapy Can Help Teens Manage Anxiety
At Outside The Norm Counseling, we help teens learn real, practical tools to manage anxiety. Therapy isn’t just about talking—it’s about learning skills that work in real-life situations.
Key Therapy Skills We Teach Teens:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Helps teens recognize negative thought patterns and replace them with healthier ones.
- Example: If your teen thinks, “I’m going to fail this test,” CBT helps them shift their thinking to, “I’ve studied, and I’m prepared to do my best.”
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) – Emotion Regulation & Mindfulness
- Teaches teens how to calm their minds when anxiety takes over.
- Example: Learning grounding techniques, like focusing on their five senses, to bring them back to the present moment.
Interpersonal Effectiveness
- Helps teens communicate their needs clearly without shutting down or lashing out.
- Example: Instead of saying, “You don’t understand me!” they learn to say, “I feel overwhelmed, and I need a break.”
What You Can Do Today to Help Your Teen
- Model Healthy Coping Strategies – Show your teen how you manage stress. Talk about your own challenges and how you work through them.
- Create a Judgment-Free Zone – Make sure your teen knows they can talk to you without fear of punishment or shame.
- Encourage Therapy – If your teen’s anxiety is impacting their daily life, professional support can make a huge difference.
- Practice Active Listening – Instead of trying to fix things, sometimes the best thing you can do is listen and say, “I hear you.”
Final Thoughts: Helping Your Teen Feel Seen and Supported
Things Parents Say That (Accidentally) Make Teen Anxiety Worse
The key is validation and support. Instead of dismissing their fears, help them feel heard. Instead of pushing them to “get over it,” give them the tools to work through it. When you do this, you empower your teen to build resilience—a skill that will serve them for life.
And remember, you don’t have to do this alone. Therapy can help your teen learn how to manage their anxiety, and it can help you as a parent navigate this journey with confidence.
At Outside The Norm Counseling, we specialize in teen anxiety therapy, helping families build better communication, trust, and emotional resilience. If you’re ready to help your teen break free from anxiety, reach out to us today to schedule a session.
Supporting Your Family: Therapy for Teen Anxiety in Temecula, CA
Navigating anxiety with your teen can feel overwhelming, especially when you worry about saying or doing something that might accidentally make things worse. At Outside The Norm Counseling, located in Temecula, California (92590), we specialize in supporting families throughout the Temecula Valley—including Murrieta, Wildomar, Canyon Lake, Menifee, and nearby areas. Our goal is to provide compassionate, effective therapy designed to help you and your teen thrive.
If you resonate with any of the scenarios described in this blog and are wondering if therapy could benefit your family, you’re not alone. Sometimes, well-intentioned comments or attempts at reassurance can unintentionally heighten your teen’s anxiety. That’s why partnering with a skilled therapist can make all the difference. Our therapists in Temecula, CA are trained to help you understand your teen’s anxiety triggers, identify healthy communication strategies, and strengthen your relationship.
How Therapy in Temecula, California Can Help Your Teen
When teens struggle with anxiety, the right therapeutic support can empower them with valuable coping skills. At Outside The Norm Counseling, we offer evidence-based practices tailored to teens, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). These approaches help teens:
- Understand and manage their anxious thoughts.
- Develop healthier thought patterns.
- Learn practical strategies for emotional regulation.
- Build effective communication skills.
Your Local Resource for Teen and Family Therapy in Murrieta, Menifee, Wildomar, Canyon Lake, and Surrounding Areas
Our office, conveniently located in Temecula (92590), welcomes families from all over the region, including Murrieta, Menifee, Wildomar, Canyon Lake, and beyond. We provide a warm, safe, and supportive environment, where parents and teens can openly explore emotions, improve their relationships, and find effective, lasting solutions.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If you feel ready to learn more or book an appointment, reach out to us at 951-395-3288. Our caring team is here to answer your questions and match you with the best therapist to support your teen’s mental health journey.
Together, we can help you strengthen your relationship with your teen, minimize anxiety, and build resilience as a family.
About the Author
Veronica Cisneros, LMFT, is the founder of Outside The Norm Counseling in Temecula, California. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, and host of Empowered and Unapologetic, Veronica helps high-achieving moms navigate the challenges of parenting, relationships, and personal growth. With a direct, no-BS approach, she provides actionable strategies that create lasting change. When she’s not working, she’s living the real-life struggles of motherhood firsthand.
